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Letter to Littles: February 2012

Posted in Letters to Littles, tagged Family, Happiness, homeschooling, Letter Writing, letters-to-littles, letterstolittles, Little Buddhas, Parent on March 4, 2012 | 4 Comments »

I am writing a monthly letter to my children, usually the last week of the month. I hope to capture these moments in time because they go so quickly.

I hope you will join me in writing a monthly letter to your children and linking it up here. Feel free to grab the badge for your website and let me know when you post so I can add you to the list of participants.

Dear Little Buddhas,

This has been a hard month for me. I’ve been sick and exhausted. It has been an effort for me to parent with patience and gentleness as I wish to. Instead of recharging me with our connection, I’ve been feeling more drained by the effort. And you have responded with so much understanding of what I’ve left unsaid. I tear up as I write this because I think about how you are able to ferret out when I am trying to hide my exhaustion from you. I am truly in awe of your empathy.

Nat:

Can I hide my glee that you are loving Yoga right now? You have the choice to take a kid’s yoga class or Jujitsu class once a week and you’ve been choosing Yoga. We’ve been practicing more at home together, with you often teaching the rest of us silly poses until we dissolve into peals of laughter.

This month you said to me, “Mom, I’m so glad we homeschool. I love learning stuff and my friends in formal school hate it so much. I don’t want to hate learning.” I’m very careful not to push my views of homeschooling and formal schooling on you. I hope to allow you to decide when and how you want to do school. Wherever you choose to learn, I hope you continue to question and think for yourself.

Speaking of thinking for yourself, at 5.5 years old, your quest for self-reliance has been showing. I’ve been trying to give you challenging tasks that you will need to work out the solutions to for yourself. For example, you wanted to get your Obie Wan from the car to show your friends. So, I gave you the car remote and you went out on your own. You didn’t know that I was watching every step you made through the window, but I watched you read the remote for the unlock button, look for cars as you stepped into the parking spot, get your toy, find the lock button, and come back inside. The pride on your face when you returned shined.

Gan:

I can’t figure you out this month. So, I’ve stopped trying and started loving you the more for it. You’re adamant about certain things. You’ll burst out with exuberant affection at unexpected times. You are exploring limits and pushing to see if I’ll bend or snap. The more I bend with you, the more reassured you seem. You’re a beautiful bewilderment to me and I adore that.

I also love giving you the freedom to explore quirks without judgment. I remember feeling ashamed when I expressed myself as a young child. I quickly learned to hide it. But, you revel in choosing your own clothes, putting them on backwards and mismatched. Your pockets are stuffed with little rocks, strings, toys, and cards. So much so that they often pull your pants down. And I love all of this about you.

This month, we were scared about whether you were hearing us. It has been inconsistent. Sometimes it seemed you were simply choosing not to respond, other times I was sure you couldn’t hear me. And you enunciation, vocabulary and comprehension is still advanced. So, I took you to the mainstream pediatrician for a check. She found your right ear, the side we were noticing, had an injured ear drum that was healing. She encouraged me to put a few drops of breastmilk in your ear periodically to assist healing and we’ll recheck again in a couple of months.

So, now I know that it is a little your mind and a little your body.

Bud:

You’re almost 20 months now. Your birth doesn’t seem that long ago, but your toddlerhood has left that baby in the dust. You continue to amaze me with your ability your understanding of words and concepts. When we’re getting ready to go, you look for the things we take with us. You find shoes, water bottles, keys, etc, unasked. You remind me when I forget something like the Ergo or the snacks. You love the feeling of contributing to the family by helping the rest of us.

Your physical affection feeds all of us. You may be the only family member whose hugs and kisses are always accepted by your brothers when they’re sad or mad. You’ve certainly had affection showered on your since your birth as the littlest one. It makes sense you would reflect that back to us.

You love telling us jokes and laughing together. You say, “Poop!!” and laugh heartily when I feign shock. Then you get your brothers and dad to say, “Poop!” with you so you can all laugh together. This is followed by kisses or eskimo kisses all-round. Speaking of poop, you want to go in the potty, but I think the feel of it, as is has changed to more solid, is freaking you out. The expression on your face as you try is fearful. I hope I can help you feel reassured as you transition into fulltime pottying, since you obviously hate going in your dipes or underpants.

Sar:

I have been quiet with you this month. Partly, it’s fear of the current changes going on. Partly, it’s the disconnect from my body, I’ve been gently healing. Things I can’t share here, yet, but they’re strongly tied with you.

***

For my boys, I think this example sums up where each of you are this month:

When my bedroom door is locked:

Nat: loudly bangs and kicks the door someone comes and won’t stop until that happens.

Gan: checks the doorknob, then searches out something small and pokey to pick the lock with and has succeeded a few times.

Bud: gets a stepstool and wiggles the doorknob, sits down and wails for “mama” and won’t settle for anyone else.

Love,

Yo’ mama
February, 2012

If you would like to participate in the Letters to Littles Project, feel free to link up your post below.
Keep up to date on this project and find out more information on the Letters to Littles Homepage.
NEW: If you link your post this month in the comments below or on my facebook page, I’ll add the links to the list of this month’s Letters to Littles and tweet it for you
Letters are written during the last week of the month, but feel free to write and link up whenever you feel inspired.
You can follow all of the participant’s tweets here: @TouchstoneZ/letters-to-littles
You can use the hashtag #letterstolittles on twitter as well.
And don’t forget to click over and Grab the Updated badge (it’s set up to promote the project, not my personal page. So you won’t find my name on it):

Letters to Littles Participants:

Pop by their blogs and leave a little comment love, won’t ya’?

Letters to Littles: February 2012 (Radical Ramblings)
A Valentine for My 20 Month Old (I Thought I Knew Mama)
A Letter to *Those* Parents (touchstonez.com)
Letter to Littles: September 2011 (touchstonez.com)
To My Dear One (touchstonez.com)
Letter to Littles: October 2011 (touchstonez.com)
Letter to Littles: November 2011 (touchstonez.com)

This article contains all original content by TouchstoneZ.com and is protected by copyright. If you are viewing this post on another site than TouchstoneZ.com please notify the author at zoie.touchstonez(at)gmail.com

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Letter to Littles: January 2012

Posted in Letters to Littles, tagged Family, Happiness, homeschooling, Letter Writing, letters-to-littles, letterstolittles, Little Buddhas, Parent on February 5, 2012 | 5 Comments »

I am writing a monthly letter to my children, usually the last week of the month. I hope to capture these moments in time because they go so quickly.

Dear Little Buddhas,

I skipped last month, but I think it will be alright for you anyway. It turns out we took a lot of photos during the holidays and they’ll serve well for the milestones and events we experienced together.

Nat:

Image via Wikipedia

You had a series of amazing performances in the production of the Nutcracker at the theatre downtown. I was worried that you might get burned out being in every performance, but you enjoyed it and wished there were more. I thought it was interesting that you cared about dancing and being onstage, but not about the audience. I hope you keep that internal motivation as you grow.

You lost your first tooth this month (although technically, this was your second since your first was pulled at the dentist last year) and were thrilled to find 50cents and a book about Winter the Dolphin under your pillow when you woke. You have been in love with marine mammals, and Winter in particular, since we saw The Dolphin Tale movie last September. But, your obsession started when you got the dvd for Christmas. You asked to go to the library to check out books about dolphins a couple of weeks ago and ended up taking home the entire shelf of books. You came up with the idea to return a few every week after I expressed my concern about another child who loves dolphins coming to check out the same books. You have decided that you want to protect dolphins as a job.

In December we backed way off from homeschooling and it has really shown. You have been enthusiastic about deciding what you want to learn about. You stay up late practicing reading and doing copywork long after your brothers have fallen asleep in bed beside you. You are sitting beside me doing a math workbook (with a dolphin on the cover, of course) as I write this and insisted I include a picture of Winter to represent you this month.

Image via Wikipedia

Gan:

I love your happy run. Every time you include your happy hop, my heart skips a beat. You’ve been very serious this month and laughter has not been often. I’m trying to give you the space you need to take everything in and be happy in your own more quiet way. You love to collect small things. Wherever we go, you fill your pockets with small rocks or broken sticks-that is, if your pockets aren’t already full of beads, tiny ninjas and bouncy balls before we leave.

Your vocabulary is rich this month. Words like, “superb,” and “hypothesis” are part of your ordinary vocabulary. It may take me a few repetitions, but eventually I figure out what it is you are saying. I just have to keep reassessing the language of a 3.5yo who prefers audiobooks from real authors like E. B. White and Barrie over “kids” books. I think your more introspective reactions this month have been, in part, processing some of the issues you’ve encountered in “Trumpet of the Swan” and “Peter Pan.”

I still think it sucks being the middle kids, who is also a bit on the quiet-side. At times, your requests and opinions aren’t heard or considered as fairly as they should be. I hope you see that I am doing my best to notice when that happens and to give you uninterrupted time with me and away from the larger personalities of your brothers. If your generous nature is any indicator, you are getting your needs met well enough to give a backrub when someone is upset, to share freely of your food, and to get a second toy so that your little brother is included in the free play.

Image via Wikipedia

Bud:

Teething has been your mainstay this month. You’ve popped at least four molars and two canines, last I checked (when you let me, that is.) It has led to really bad sleep for you and me as you squirm and wiggle all night, then latch on for comfort often all night, too.

You have discovered the power of, “No!” complete with pursing lips, shaking head, and scrunched eyebrows (I call it, “you’re giving me the eyebrows.”) You have definite opinions on things, but again, the benefit of being a third child is that your parents are comfortable giving you your head about everything and allowing you to experience the good and the bad that comes from it. Short of real safety issues (such as dancing on the kitchen counter or throwing a shovel near your brothers) I’m okay with some bumps and bruises, especially since most of the time, you don’t repeat the same action that ended badly for you.

As I predicted, you’ve no patience with walking, but prefering running-while-cackling everywhere. You’re incredibly independent, but at the same time surprisingly deliberate with your actions. So, you might climb to the top of the highest playstructure and dangle your feet while watching me for a reaction, but you stopped and thought about it for awhile before doing it-and you never go further than you can get yourself out of. Tempered with this strong will and independence, you are promiscuously affectionate with everyone. You give hugs, kisses, say, “I Love You!” and demand your snuggle time with each of us daily. You’ve been a boon to our dog, Pirate, who often gets forgotten in our busy lives.

Freesia with buds (Photo credit: Martin LaBar)

Sar:

I’ve taken to talking to you when I’m alone. And I imagine that I could feel your presence. Then, on January 11th, as I was in bed snuggling Buddha, I felt your presence with me stronger than I have for a long time. Thank you. You and I know why I am saying that. Thank you, with all of my broken heart.

I miss you, my girl.

***

One of the reasons I write these letters is to capture the small moments that are forgotten. The big events are documented in photos and memories of celebrations. But, the small things, like Bud saying, “I Love” for “I Love You” or Gan placing his finger on his upper lip when considering before replying or Nat discovering stickers in the workbook he picked out and choosing to reward himself with them every time he completes a page or the bittersweet feeling of finding a lost note an acquaintance wrote to give comfort after Sar’s stillbirth, these are what I want to remember with these letters. It’s these normal moments that are worth remembering because they are what fill up a life with joy. There are so many of these tiny stars that blink out of existence, only to be replaced with another that is just as bright.

Keep shining daily, my dear ones.

Love,

Yo’ mama
January, 2012

If you would like to participate in the Letters to Littles Project, feel free to link up your post below.
Keep up to date on this project and find out more information on the Letters to Littles Homepage.
NEW: If you link your post this month in the comments below or on my facebook page, I’ll add the links to the list of this month’s Letters to Littles and tweet it for you
Letters are written during the last week of the month, but feel free to write and link up whenever you feel inspired.
You can follow all of the participant’s tweets here: @TouchstoneZ/letters-to-littles
You can use the hashtag #letterstolittles on twitter as well.
And don’t forget to click over and Grab the Updated badge (it’s set up to promote the project, not my personal page. So you won’t find my name on it):

Letters to Littles Participants:

Pop by their blogs and leave a little comment love, won’t ya’?

A Letter to *Those* Parents (touchstonez.com)
Letter to Littles: September 2011 (touchstonez.com)
To My Dear One (touchstonez.com)
Letter to Littles: October 2011 (touchstonez.com)
Letter to Littles: November 2011 (touchstonez.com)

This article contains all original content by TouchstoneZ.com and is protected by copyright. If you are viewing this post on another site than TouchstoneZ.com please notify the author at zoie.touchstonez(at)gmail.com

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Letter to Littles: November 2011

Posted in Letters to Littles, tagged Amber Strocel, Family, Gratitude, Happiness, homeschooling, Letter Writing, letters to littles, letterstolittles, Little Buddhas, Parent, Sausage Mama on November 29, 2011 | 13 Comments »

Inspired by Sausage Mama, I am writing a monthly letter to my children. I hope to capture these moments in time because they go so quickly. To quote Amber Strocel, “blink and you miss it.” (two great, positive blogs, please check them out)

Dear Little Buddhas,

I have been thinking about how different each of you approached things this month. I thought it would be interesting to share some specific examples so we can remember them together.

Nat on a Pumpkin

Nat:

I notice that when you feel secure, you are exuberant and throw your entire heart into things. You are going through a period of separation anxiety that your Dad and I are striving to support with patience and understand as you work through it. You’re about to be in a production of the Nutcracker at the Civic Center and I know you’re excited about it. You approach the rehearsals with reservation every time. You hide behind me until you feel ready to join in and as long as you are given that time, you do join in. Once you’re performing, you’re enthusiastic. Your teachers affectionately call you a natural ham.

In the house, you refuse to go into another room or even out of eyesight of an adult lately. It sometimes tries my patience to drop what I’m doing and accompany you while you get a toy or go to the bathroom, but I’m sucking it up both because you deserve and because I’m hoping it will pass more quickly if I support you. You have also been having a tough time when your dad or I leave without you. There have been many times when you’ve dissolved into tears if you can’t watch our car for as long as you can. Again, as long as you’re given unconditional support, you’re back to your usual well-attached self.

And I understand why this is happening. You’re spreading your wings and doing so many other things with independence. It makes sense you would need to return for security with those who give you unconditional love. I’m grateful that I’m one of the people you cling to when you need it.

Gan on a Pumpkin

Gan:

I see you approach things differently just because it’s different. If being alone in a room scares your big brother, then you fearlessly journey into the dark alone. If your brother is scared of monsters, you go out of your way to choose books about monsters. But, I also see that you enjoy challenging yourself. So, it’s difficult to tell the difference between the rebellious you and the introspective you. Either way, I find your complexity at 3 years old fascinating.

I also see you like to observe things and not necessarily speak about things at first. Once you’ve made up your mind about something, then you’re ready to engage with it. It’s almost impossible to gently move you on to a different idea or activity once you are doing it. I’m challenged constantly to remember you are not trying to push my buttons on purpose. It’s your way of both seeking reassurance and finding out how much control you have. I try to give you both.

Reflecting Smiles

Bud:

You approach things with abandoned glee. There is too much bubbly joy to be contained within your body when you get to try something new or explore a new situation. You still adore running away from me whenever I am not looking. If you didn’t run cackling at the top of your lungs the entire time, you’d probably get away, too.

You have brought so much pure happiness to my life because of your exuberant heart. You have strong opinions and do not like to be thwarted, but your default setting is happy. I plan to continue to nurture that happy as best I am able. The idea that you could keep that optimism through life is breathtaking to me. It’s something I have aspired to catching pieces of in my own life. If I can learn from you anything, it’s to hold onto this joy in encountering new situations.

Image by bill barber via Flickr

Sar:

This month was filled with gratitude. I truly enjoyed writing the Gratitude Challenge this month because I got to think of 10 things I’m grateful for about you. This month has also been one filled with lots of friends giving birth. Every time I hear an announcement I have a simultaneous leap and drop of the heart. My heart leaps with joy for the new baby, for the birth experience, and for the family’s opportunity to fall in love all over again. And it drops because you’re not here. I can’t hug you like I can your, very tolerant, brothers every time I hear more happy announcements.

I miss you, my girl. I will always hold onto the wish to meet you again.

Wagon of Love

I learn so much from being your mother. Every month is a new experience and I love being in the unknown, even when I’m afraid of it. I often think back to that time before each of you was born. It was a time when my mind was all about expectations, but I had to relax into the lack of control. It was a time when I felt most in tune with my body, yet my body was not truly my own anymore.

I hope that I can give back to you even the tiniest bit of understand of what that does to a person; The simultaneous miracle and ordinary that is within you.

Love,

Yo’ mama
November, 2011

If you would like to participate in the Letters to Littles Project, feel free to link up your post below.
Keep up to date on this project and find out more information on the Letters to Littles Homepage.
NEW: If you link your post this month in the comments below or on my facebook page, I’ll add the links to the list of this month’s Letters to Littles and tweet it for you
Letters are written during the last week of the month, but feel free to write and link up whenever you feel inspired.
You can follow all of the participant’s tweets here: @TouchstoneZ/letters-to-littles
You can use the hashtag #letterstolittles on twitter as well.
And don’t forget to click over and Grab the Updated badge (it’s set up to promote the project, not my personal page. So you won’t find my name on it):

Letters to Littles Participants:

Pop by their blogs and leave a little comment love, won’t ya’?

Letters to Littles (November) (An UnSchooling Adventure)
Dear Little One: 22 Months (Bitty Bird)
Letters to My Littles, November 2011 (Lazy Kate)
Letters to Littles VIIII (Rosemarinus Officinalus)
Letters to Littles (November) (Smiling Like Sunshine)
Letter to Littles- Nov (Very Nearly Hippy)
A Letter to *Those* Parents (touchstonez.com)
Letter to Littles: September 2011 (touchstonez.com)
To My Dear One (touchstonez.com)
Letter to Littles: October 2011 (touchstonez.com)

This article contains all original content by TouchstoneZ.com and is protected by copyright. If you are viewing this post on another site than TouchstoneZ.com please notify the author at zoie.touchstonez(at)gmail.com

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Letter to Littles: October 2011

Posted in Letters to Littles, tagged Amber Strocel, Family, Gratitude, homeschooling, Letter Writing, letters to littles, letterstolittles, Little Buddhas, Parent, Sausage Mama on October 26, 2011 | 4 Comments »

Dear Little Buddhas,

This month’s theme is “looking for moments of gratitude.” I am grateful for so many moments this month. It has been wonderful sifting through those moments this months. I feel happy remembering all that has happened with you.

My moments of gratitude with Nat:

Watching you in your homeschool Lego engineering class and observing how you manage the chaos of the group and the challenge of the builds.
Seeing how you worked out a disagreement with another child on your own to your mutual satisfaction. Even though you felt that you had been wronged, you tried words and listening.
Every hug, every kiss, every kind word you give with your whole heart. I don’t really mind the ones given in order to receive something. I’ll take what I can get with my whole heart.
The “Thank you, Mama” I received when I said, “I have a new homeschool math activity for you.” I adore that you enjoy school so much and hope we can keep you passion for learning intact.
Hearing your laughter as you get more of the jokes in our dvds. You’re maturing so quickly.

My moments of gratitude with Gan:

Your very soft, “Mama? I love you.” That you say whenever you’re feeling the need for some connection.
The pile-driving snuggles in bed in the morning. I love that you carve out time first thing for just you.
Our weekly one on one time together that we have scheduled. I realized that you plan for it ahead of time and look forward to it. The dynamics are very different when we’re alone.
Hearing your excitement when you built a pyramid and recognized it as such.
That you decided not to cut your hair for awhile. How much do I adore your ringlets? More than I can say.

My moments of gratitude with Bud:

Watching how trusting you are of someone touching you, even when you’re unsure about them. You know when you’re with your family that you can take that leap over your fear.
That you already refuse to go to sleep unless read to enough. Ha! We hooked another one!
How much you love eating. You adore your mama milk and haven’t met a solid food you don’t like, yet. It’s wonderful to see you dig in or latch on with gusto.
Your signs for some of your favorite things: “more,” “all done,” “food,” “outside,” “shower,” “bath,” and “mama milk.” Although, you speak many approximations of words so clearly, these are the signs you use along with your words to express their importance.
That your accident this month did not cause permanent damage and you are healing beautifully. This alone could take up every moment of gratitude going forward and backward!

Love,

Yo’ mama
October, 2011

If you would like to participate in the Letters to Littles Project, feel free to link up your post below.
Keep up to date on this project and find out more information on the Letters to Littles Homepage.
NEW: If you link your post this month in the comments below or on my facebook page, I’ll add the links to the list of this month’s Letters to Littles and tweet it for you
Letters are written during the last week of the month, but feel free to write and link up whenever you feel inspired.
You can follow all of the participant’s tweets here: @TouchstoneZ/letters-to-littles
You can use the hashtag #letterstolittles on twitter as well.
And don’t forget to click over and Grab the badge (it’s set up to promote the project, not my personal page. So you won’t find my name on it):

Letters to Littles Participants:

Pop by their blogs and leave a little comment love, won’t ya’?

A Letter to Baby on his 17 Month Birthday at I Thought I Knew Mama
Letters to Littles October 2011 at Smiling Like Sunshine
Letters to Littles VII at Rosmarinus Officinalis
Letters to Littles October 2011 at An Unschooling Adventure
Letters to My Jesse: 11 Months at African Babies Don’t Cry
A Letter to *Those* Parents (touchstonez.com)
To My Dear One (touchstonez.com)
Letter to Littles: September 2011 (touchstonez.com)

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Letter to Littles: September 2011

Posted in Letters to Littles, tagged Family, Letter Writing, letters-to-littles, Parent on October 2, 2011 | 4 Comments »

Dear Little Buddhas,

The LuvHa, The BuddHa, and the FashionistHa

I took a few extra days this month to write this letter to you for a couple of reasons. The first is because we’ve been enjoying ourselves so completely with homeschooling activities that I haven’t had time or inclination to reflect on them. It has been more fun being present and in the flow. I sometimes make the mistake of thinking, “I need to remember this moment” instead of actually being in the moment with you. This month has been much more of those special moments together. The other reason is that I am changing how I write these public letters so that they will be less about your personal information and more about my thoughts about them. I want to balance your privacy with this project.

I think about what I would like to read about from when I was a kid and I would enjoy both the milestones and quirks of my childhood, but I would also like to hear from those around me. So, the first will be a monthly letter privately and the second will be here publicly.

So, without further ado…

This first full month of “official” homeschooling has been an adventure in letting go of expectations and embracing trust. Every time I think of you and your amazing minds, I feel entirely confident that we are doing the right thing for your educations. You have all been voracious learners since birth, so why should that change simply because we are directing studies toward specific goals. Every time I think of myself and my abilities to support you in your education, I freak out entirely. I have so many expectations and assumptions from my own experiences with formal schooling that I could never live up to them, nor should I. They would never work in a homeschooling environment anyway. But, it is taking me awhile to deschool my own mind.

Aside from my ADHDistractedness and organizational challenges, if I keep focusing on your intelligence and passion for learning, I will eventually relax into rhythm with you. And it helps to remember that you are learning constantly, with everything you do.

I’m an only child. I’ve never seen the interactions between siblings this intimately. I find it equally fascinating and frightening. I like that there is an independent relationship between each of you that has little to do with me. Being present to observe how you interact is a gift, even when it makes me uncomfortable or involves biting :/

Siblings Sharing A Moment Just for Them

And speaking of the constantly changing relationships and emotions, I want to express my gratitude for how you each handle situations when one of your brothers is melting down or angry. You understand when they need space or extra attention from mom and dad. You make way for them, are careful to hold that individual connection with one another tight, and are the kind of friend I would be honored to have in my life. I suppose that is the heart of being a sibling.

Finally, this month was the anniversary of Sar’s stillbirth. I do call it a birthday, instead of the more stilted “anniversary” observation. It has been four years, but it still feels so present and alive within me. I have recovered many childhood memories this year that have taught me much about what it means to remember pain that will forever remain fresh and bleeding. Learning that grieving and letting go is not a betrayal, but an act of complete love.

Love,

Yo’ mama
September, 2011

If you would like to participate in the Letters to Littles Project, feel free to link up your post below. NEW: If you link your post this month in the comments below or on my facebook page, I’ll add the links to the list of this month’s Letters to Littles and tweet it for you Letters are written during the last week of the month, but feel free to write and link up whenever you feel inspired. You can use the hashtag #letterstolittles on twitter as well. And don’t forget to click over and Grab the badge (it’s set up to promote the project, not my personal page. So you won’t find my name on it):

Letters to Littles Participants:

Pop by their blogs and leave a little comment love, won’t ya’?

You can follow all of the participant’s tweets here: @TouchstoneZ/letters-to-littles

A Letter to *Those* Parents (touchstonez.com)
Letter to Littles: August 2011 (touchstonez.com)
Letters to Littles VII from Rosmarinus Officinalus
NaBloWriMo and Letters to the Littles from Very Nearly Hippy
Letter to My Little Girl from Mom Grooves
Letter to Littles from An Unschooling Adventure
Letters to Littles: A Few of Your Favorite Things from African Babies Don’t Cry
Letters to Littles: September 2011 from Smiling Like Sunshine
Letter to Littles: September from Purple Peas in a Pod

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Letter to Littles: August 2011

Posted in Letters to Littles, tagged letters to littles on August 31, 2011 | 11 Comments »

Dear Little Buddhas,
I have been struggling with what to publish this month for your letter. I believe in this project. Capturing what has happened with you each month is important to me. You change so fast and I love you for that. Writing about what you have been doing each month allows me a small hug goodbye to that child who has been replaced by another whom I adore just as much.

The past few months have been one of the most difficult times for our family. There have been many changes. It’s not always simple to navigate the world outside our family with trust, as we have learned during this time.

My need to protect you is not being met.

While I write here about my experience, I feel that publicly sharing direct events of your lives is not fair to you. Granted, it is my POV on your milestones, activities, stats, turns of phrase and interests, but I do not feel it is appropriate under our developing circumstances. It is one thing for someone to take what I write about my feelings and use it for their own purpose. I feel I need to keep you safe from as many negative reflections as possible.

Perhaps my protection instinct is triggered by recent events. Perhaps I am overreacting. Perhaps I will feel differently in the future. But, my strong feelings now are that until you can give informed consent about how much to share directly of your lives, it does not feel right to publish them.

I will still keep writing the monthly letters to you. But, I will no longer be making them public. I will continue to offer the space here for the other writers to link up each month and to support them in their own letter projects. I am also open to someone taking over or sharing this project with me, especially because it might feel important to them that the letters be publicly shared each month.

Stay safe, little Buddhas. May I teach you strength to weather the storms with compassion for self and others.
Love,

Yo’ mama
August, 2011

If you would like to participate in the Letters to Littles Project, feel free to link up your post below. Letters are written during the last week of the month, but feel free to write and link up whenever you feel inspired. You can use the hashtag #letterstolittles on twitter as well. And don’t forget to click over and Grab the badge (it’s set up to promote the project, not my personal page. So you won’t find my name on it):

Letters to Littles Participants:

Pop by their blogs and leave a little comment love, won’t ya’?

Letter to Littles: April 2011 (touchstonez.com)
Letter to Littles: March 2011 (touchstonez.com)
Letter to Littles: May 2011 (touchstonez.com)
A Letter to *Those* Parents (touchstonez.com)

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Letter to Littles: June 2011

Posted in Letters to Littles, tagged letters to littles on June 30, 2011 | 7 Comments »

Letters to Littles

74UPANCWSU2V
Inspired by Sausage Mama, I am writing a monthly letter to my children. I hope to capture these moments in time because they go so quickly. To quote Amber Strocel, “blink and you miss it.” (two great, positive blogs, please check them out)

Dear Little Buddhas,

I’m late this month with this letter and, as we’ll talk about one day, a lot has been going on. So, please forgive my brevity for this letter.

Letters to Littles: Singing in the Rain

Nat,

You’re 4y 11m old now. This past week has been challenging as you have been exhibiting some defiant behavior and anger toward your dad and me. It’s hard to see you struggling when you’re usually so easy going. I’m working extra hard for patience and

Letters to Littles: Gan Arrrrr!

support because I know you need connection while you work through this.

You accidentally overheard me say that I hadn’t gotten enough sleep and was “draggin’ a$$”, which you reinterpreted to “Mama is dragon ess this morning.” I definitely prefer your version.

Gan,

You’re 2y 10m old now. It’s been a fun month for you, I think. A lot of our activities have been right up your alley: digging for earthworms, discovering pocket gophers, squishing in mud, and lots of piratical adventures.

I love how much you sing. I love how joyful you have been this month. Your exuberance is helping heal your mother’s guilt-wounds from you infancy when I had PPD. I can see that you are able to be emotionally free.

Bud,

Letters to Littles: Hey, It's Mama!

You are 11mo now. You are officially walking, at least whenever you can go that slow. The tubo-boost crawl is still your go-to when you’re determined to get to something quickly. You love being outside, especially in the grass and sunshine.

And your laughter-not just baby giggles-real belly laughter, is just awesome! It’s contagious. Your brothers can’t get enough of trying to get some out of you. I can’t get enough either.

Letters to Littles: Apple Blossoms for Sar

Sar,

My baby girl, you would be 3y 9m old now. I’m understanding a little more every day how I can live without you, but still be with you.

Love,

Yo’ mama
June, 2011

If you would like to participate in the Letters to Littles Project, feel free to link up your post. Letters are written during the last week of the month, but feel free to write and link up whenever you feel inspired. You can use the hashtag #letterstolittles on twitter as well. And don’t forget to click over and Grab the badge (it’s set up to promote the project, not my personal page. So you won’t find my name on it):

Letters to Littles Participants:

Pop by their blogs and leave a little comment love, won’t ya’?

Letter to Littles: April 2011 (touchstonez.com)
Letter to Littles: March 2011 (touchstonez.com)
Letter to Littles: May 2011 (touchstonez.com)
A Letter to *Those* Parents (touchstonez.com)

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Letter to Littles: May 2011

Posted in Letters to Littles, tagged letters to littles on May 24, 2011 | 9 Comments »

Letters to Littles

Dear Little Buddhas,

Nat at Kata

Nat,

You’re 4y 10m old now. 46.4lbs. 43 & 1/4″ tall. I am continually impressed by your poise and drive to do things that challenge you. This month, you participated in your first Kata, or Jujitsu tournament, and you performed on-stage in your ballet recital. To be so young and yet be able to perform because you love it, even when you are nervous or frightened, is amazing. You and your partner took first place in your age division at the kata. And you were a boy amidst a sea of pink-clad ballerinas at the ballet recital, and some of those girls were not very kind, I was sad to hear.

You loved your medal, but were kind to all the other participants in a way that showed a grace beyond your years. I am hopeful our values of compassion and courtesy are something you value within yourself. I liked how you approached everything with a playful attitude and had fun with it all. You dad and I are not ones to push you into doing anything. I think you push yourself just to see if you can do it.

I’m trying to scale back our activities because of research about the importance of unstructured play. But, you love all the activities you are doing as “Jedi training.” So, I’ll continue to be guided by you.

Gan Surprised

Gan,

You’re 2y 9m old now. 30lbs. 35 & 3/4″ tall. The end of two years and the beginning of three is an interesting time. I see you vacillating between fierce independence and sweet affection. I see you feeling frustrated by things you are still too little to do and delighted by trying them anyway. I just wish it came with fewer bumps on the noggin, for my own sake. But, I have the feeling you’re a bump-on-the-noggin person for life. We’ll see.

I’ve continued to back way off and give you lots of space. It’s hard for me because I tend to project my own abandonment fears on you. But, you’ve responded with greater connection to me. I love how creative you are at finding ways to do things that avoid the possibility of hearing “no.” I’m trying to consider every request you make seriously, even when you want to cut your own food with the big knives or paint the walls. The knives I have been allowing under close supervision because you are meticulously careful and the painting we worked out a compromise by hanging paper on the wall.

PeekaBuddha

Bud,

You are 10mo now. 24.6lbs, 28.5″ tall. 5 or 6 teeth (not that you’ll let me check thoroughly) Dude! Slow down! I asked you to wait to walk on your own until your dad got back home and you did thank goodness. But, you’re about to do it. You have taken a step or two and you stand up, squat down, stand up without holding onto anything (tip from mum: hold onto that core strength as you grow up)

I’ve never had a climber before and it’s both fascinating and terrifying to watch. you keep getting yourself on top of furniture and then getting upset until someone comes along to help you down. You went swimming for the first time this month and couldn’t get enough. You were so busy laughing and splashing that we had to hold you back from going underwater with your mouth wide open in delight. I feel so blessed to be around you because of your pure delight at new experiences.

Apple Blossoms

Sar,

My baby girl, you would be 3y 8m old now. I think I’m the only person who thinks of you daily, just like your brothers are always on my mind. I am sometimes glad for all I have learned in loving and missing you in this special way because I’ve learned how to be with grief. It has helped me be more comfortable with other people who are going through tough periods. I understand that it isn’t necessary to say or do, but just to be there.

Smile Like You Mean It

May is always a busy month. There’s Mother’s Day and my birthday to celebrate. There seem to be a lot of events and activities going on that I usually just want to stay home and enjoy quiet time together on those two days when I’m supposed to be in charge of picking what we do. I cherish the times when we just snuggle-bug together with a good book or five.

Even though I rarely feel worthy of the responsibility of being your mum, selfishly I wouldn’t give it up because I enjoy you all so much. If you ever stop making me laugh out loud, we can renegotiate our deal, okay?

Love,

Yo’ mama
May, 2011

Letters to Littles Participants:

Pop by their blogs and leave a little comment love, won’t ya’?

Letter to Littles: April 2011 (touchstonez.com)
Letter to Littles: March 2011 (touchstonez.com)

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Letter to Littles: April 2011

Posted in Letters to Littles, tagged letters to littles on April 26, 2011 | 13 Comments »

Letters to Littles

Dear Little Buddhas,

Nataraj Padawan

Nat,

You’re 4y 9m old now. We’re going on a date night tonight. I’m really looking forward to it. Your dad noticed this morning that you were feeling a bit grumpy and after reflecting about it, felt you had been receiving a lot of “no’s” lately. So, I’m taking you out for some one on one attention. I told you that you could decide where to go and you said, “pizza, salad and frozen yogurt!” So, that’s what we’ll do.

This month, you earned your first belt promotion in jujitsu. You’re a white belt-black stripe and so proud of yourself for working hard. You keep talking about having, “respect for my teachers because they have respect for me and my hard work.” I just hope you’re having fun. I see you pushing yourself because you love the challenge and my heart swells with pride over that. I could care less about anything else as long as you are having fun and doing what you love.

Rockin' the Dragon Tats

Gan,

You’re 2y 8m old now. I have been enjoying the affection you’ve been showing this month. It seems your favorite verbal games alternate between repeating, “I love you, mama” and “I love you, stinky poopy peepee head.” I bet I can guess which will stick around the longest. The “poo and pee” references are cracking you up and you seem to expect everyone else to laugh, too, and I sometimes worry that you’ll run into a bigger kid who doesn’t understand you’re being funny and not mean. It’s hard for me not to hover, but to let you be your free-spirit self.

I’m coming to understand you more as you grow. I find you complex, which is surprising to me since you’re not even three, yet. It’s hard for me to tell how you will react to things, but I’m becoming more able to accept this and not try to make you do things in ways that don’t honor what you need.

I’m glad your first set of two year molars are in. That. Is. All.

Little Yogi Baby

Bud,

You are 9mo now. You’re in that push and pull stage that I adore. You feel the push to explore and the pull for comfort from your trusted parents. I watch you standing up in free space and just waiting to take that mental jump into walking out into it unsupported. And it is a huge shift toward independence. I can see it in your face every time you begin to do it, you turn and sign for mama milk or to be picked up. But, the considering is becoming longer and the comfort requests are getting shorter. I see this time at the end of the first year as always being on the cusp of something new. You are surprisingly agile and rarely thump your noggin. I remember your big brothers having perpetual forehead bruises at the same age, but you’re much more deliberate. You always have been-fearless, trusting and self-assured.

Your smile still lights me up when I walk in the room. If I’m feeling down or self-doubting, all I need is that ego boost from baby love and I know all will be well. Maybe I won’t screw up my kids after all if someone could love and trust me this much.

Apple Blossoms

My baby girl, you would be 3y 7m old now. It’s difficult for me this time of year because I remember the surprise of finding out I was pregnant. It was my first experience with debunking the nursing-on-demand-as-birth-control. I had such a mix of emotions, and, honestly, I didn’t want to be pregnant again so soon. I have a lot of guilt that you weren’t wanted for awhile. In my warped PPD brain, I was able to self-flagellate that it was part of the reason you died. I know that isn’t true and I wouldn’t change it anyway. It made my falling in love with you and letting you go, all the more powerful for its transformation. Every spring when the apple tree blossoms, I look on them and love you. I’m grateful to you. I miss you.

Laughing Buddha

Spring is our renewal time. We always tend to take stock on what will be for the year. I know I came to life for the first time, every time, each of you was born. I feel rebirth all over again since shaking off the PPDemons. I can find you again. I can see you again. Breathe you again. Love you again. Without running for safety into my bedroom.

Love,

Yo’ mama
April, 2011

If you would like to participate in the Letters to Littles Project, feel free to link up your post. Letters are written during the last week of the month, but feel free to write and link up whenever you feel inspired. And don’t forget to click over and Grab the badge (it’s set up to promote the project, not my personal page. So you won’t find my name on it):

Letters to Littles Participants:

Pop by their blogs and leave a little comment love, won’t ya’?

Read Full Post »

Letter to Littles: March 2011

Posted in Letters to Littles, tagged letters to littles on March 19, 2011 | 11 Comments »

Letters to Littles

Inspired by Sausage Mama, I am going to write a monthly letter to my children. I hope to capture these moments in time because they go so quickly. To quote Amber Strocel, “blink and you miss it.” (two great, positive blogs, please check them out)

Dear Little Buddhas,

I am finally writing my first letter to you and I’m more filled with joy at beginning this than I am with guilt over the years I’ve already missed. I think about looking back later myself and seeing a snapshot of things I’ve forgotten. I think of you reading this when you are older and my hope that it is meaningful to you. I think of family and friends, people who love you that may read this and treasure you all the more.

You’re 4y 8m old now. You are very into Star Wars and legos. Naturally Star Wars legos are your favorite sets. Lately, you have taken to designing your own Star Wars ships and vehicles in addition to building the sets.

It is fascinating to listen to the Star Wars technical knowledge and vocabulary you have memorized. You can tell me the names of every droid, weapon, ship, and character from the entire franchise. I am challenged to keep up. And you explain character nuances like you play with them daily.

Two of my favorite expressions you have right now are, “I love this ____. It’s my only hope.” and “There’s traffic on the freeway. We had better outflank them.”

You are practicing jujitsu, yoga, and ballet all in preparation for Jedi training. You are constantly making connections between things that blow me away, like how you can love someone but not like them all the time.

Lately, you have been making a high-pitched scream at our dog and not treating her with respect. I wonder if you are modeling the frustrations that you see your dad and me feeling toward her or if it is simply because you know you will get a reaction from one of us. I’m working on gently connecting with you about it.

You’re 2y 7m old now. You are very into Pirates, Peter Pan and singing. And if you can sing “I am the Pirate King” from Pirates of Penzance or “I won’t grow up” from Peter Pan, you are pleased. And if you can do it nekky butt, sword in hand, standing atop the sofa, you are infectious with joy.

It’s hard to get an unblurred photo of you lately because you’re always on the go. You have a serious expression most of the time, but when one of your smiles comes, those melty, gooey brown eyes slay me.

You definitely want to be playing with the bigger kids and while we’re blessed to have friends that are very respectful of all ages, quite often you end up getting hurt. It can be challenging to comfort you while respecting your boundaries. You are both highly independent and fiercely affectionate.

Your vocabulary is astounding. I am constantly being asked how old you are from people who cannot believe someone your age can express himself so well. Your vocabulary often outpaces your tongue’s capabilities. And I have the feeling that what you want to express often outpaces your large vocabulary.

I often forget how young you are and expect more of you than is developmentally appropriate, but you are quick to forgive me when I lose my patience and then apologize to you.

You are 8m old. Often, I cannot believe it. Your birth is still so alive with me (as are all of them, really.) You had the newborn squishiness for less than the blink of an eye.

I have never encountered anyone as full of joy as you are. You have been since your birth. I often wonder if some of those in utero belly bouncings I thought were hiccups were actually you practicing your laugh. Your smile is huge and promiscuous.

You are just content to be. I can tell you know how loved you are because you give so much of it back. And not just to me, although you are all about mama right now of course, but to your brothers and dad as well. Sometimes it is a toss-up whether you want mama or N.

You started crawling in December. Now you are not only pulling up to stand and cruising along the furniture, you are also beginning to glance into open space as if deciding when the right time will be to walk on your own. I want you to slow down, but I can see in your eyes that you have already set your sights on it.

My baby girl, you would be 3y 6m old now. I think of you every day. I miss you every day. I remember you. You are my daughter. I love you. I miss you and all that you would have been.

3 bubs in a tub

My love shines through me so strongly for the four of you, it’s a wonder I can contain it at times. Brighter than my love, though, is light that shines from within you. When I catch glimpses of your dancing inner spirits, it fills my heart to bursting. If I can do nothing else in my life, I hope that I can help you hold the world at bay just enough that you keep your connection to your dancing inner spirit-your true self.

Love,

mama

March, 2011

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