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Posts Tagged ‘NaBloPoMo’

Anjali Mudra: Gratitude Namaste

Anjali Mudra: Namaste

I’m inspired by Amanda at Let’s Take the Metro‘s weekly gratitude post. So, I’m going to cultivate a little more gratitude in my life by joining her on a quest to be thankful until we absolutely exude gratitude. I hope you’ll also join Amanda in sharing just five things you are thankful for this week. Thank you to Amanda for helping bring back genuine gratitude.

This week I am grateful for:

  • My body. I have trouble writing that I am grateful for my body. But, I am. My body allows me to practice Yoga, the most effective way I’ve found for staying present and breaking down my boundaries. My body has taken me places I never thought I’d go. It has the strength to grow and birth my amazing children. And it has the softness to temper that power with love and affection.
  • Meditation. I rarely get in a formal, seated meditation more often than once or twice a week. But, I meditate several times during the day, and overnight when I wake up. I fit meditation in the inbetweens. It’s these moments of quiet that allow me to work toward being the person and parent I long to be. When I don’t take the time to meditate, I notice a difference in how patient and kind I am to myself and others.
  • Learning. I just can’t get enough. I’m voracious about learning new things. When I meet someone who has an interest I know nothing about, I’m intrigued to ask about them. I enjoy discussing things with people who think differently than I do as much as those who think similarly.
  • Letting Go. Following my children’s leads. Listening, instead of talking, has been a big lesson for me. I have to let go of my ego repeatedly. Every time I do, I’m impressed with what they have come up with. It’s far better than my own. I try this in interactions with adults, too, and get the feeling they are moving into the space in gratitude, and it’s not overextending my own feelings.
  • Unschooling. I wish I could explain to other parents how rewarding it is to homeschool. It is worth confronting all the educational fears we have as parents. Seeing my children approach a concept, work it through, and grasp it, has been as profound as giving birth at times. It’s easier than I thought it would be because I’m relaxing into the role of supporting them as they take the lead. I listen to friends who volunteer and contribute at their children’s formal schools (not to mention homework) and I see them investing as much time and effort as I do. I enjoy seeing how we are all deeply involved in our children’s educations in ways that align with our education principles. And I love that I let go of my fears about the whole big ball of wax that is homeschooling (Is that the proper term to encompass it??)

I feel as though I just stood under a clear waterfall. Thank you, Amanda, for reminding me to give my gratitude a voice (oops! Does that make 6? ;)

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What I’ve learned this month of NaBloPoMo and NaNoProgMo

NaBloPoMo

For the past year, I have kept up an almost daily litany of complaints to my husband that I never have enough time to write. I have a million ideas, but I rarely got to sit down and hash them out.

The writing ideas languish in my head until they disappear or they remain in a notebook until I lose my interest in writing them. I would estimate that for every post I get up on my blog, I have 10 in purgatory.

And then there’s this book I’ve been not writing for years. I haven’t picked it up since the birth of my first child over five years ago. My copious notes sit in a binder on my bookshelf waiting for someone to bring them to life.

This month I took on two writing projects, National Blog Posting Month (NaBloPoMo) and National Novel Progress Month (NaNoProgMo), hosted by Lauren Wayne and MomGrooves. I agreed to post a blog everyday for the entire month. And I decided I would spend a measly 30 minutes daily working on my book. 30 minutes may not seem like much, but it’s better than the zero minutes I had been doing. For NaNoProgMo, I left my goal to finish 15 hours more loose. I knew I probably could not do that much, but if I got on a roll, I wanted the chance.

I wanted to do these projects for the following reasons:

  1. I wanted to have a time that I could look back on, point to it and say, “this is what I did when I had plenty of time to write” and hopefully never complain about the lack of time again.
  2. I wanted to improve my writing by disciplining myself to write daily.
  3. I wanted to let go of my expectations of perfection.
  4. I wanted to see if I could finish something writing related.

Well, I did what I set out to do. With this post, I have blogged every day. I even posted twice a couple of times, when it was warranted. I had one guest post, but I still wrote that day. I’ve ended up with 32 posts for the month of November. I’m quite proud of that.

The NaNoProgMo experiment proved to be about half editing and half writing. When I’m tired, I dislike editing with the fire of a thousand suns. And guess what time of night (er, early morning) I was editing? So, if I’m counting hours spent on my book in dog years (which I’m going to because I was a really b*tching during the process) then this puppy far exceeded expectations.

I feel that there’s the possibility of completing this book one day. Although, I’m planning to put it aside for awhile to work on other ideas, I leave it knowing I’m capable of working on it when I want to.

As for NaBloPoMo, I learned that I want to write every single day. It feeds my soul in a way that nothing else does. However, I don’t want to blog every day. I’m happier producing content three to five times per week. I prefer to write, put a piece aside for a day or two while I focus on something else, then go back and edit it.

St. Augustine writing, revising, and re-writin...

Image via Wikipedia

With daily posting, I was writing, doing a cursory edit, if that, and then publishing with a wing and a prayer that my ramblings were relatively coherent and ungrammatically imploded (yes, it’s a phrase.)I’m not certain I always succeeded. But, trust me, my brain knows the difference between your and you’re, etc, even when my fingers don’t.

And as for Spellcheck, I like passive voice, thank you very much ;P.

I learned that I do not want unlimited time to write. It is drudgery and misery to work without the confines of time pockets.

Ideally, I want the world to pause when the muse sneaks up behind me and hits me on the head with a club. But, most of the time, I simply try to catch the stars circling my sore head and save them for feverish late night scribbling.

And now that I’ve had this month, I like getting bonked on the head that way (although I reserve the right to bemoan all the lost ideas.) I miss being with my family when I was writing as much as I was this month. I miss doing other things when I want to-anything at this point than writing.

I learned that I have a habit of winding myself up to write. I’ll get on twitter, facebook, read blogs, comment…basically preparing to write for a longer time than the actual writing. I’ve been taming that. Sitting down to a blank page, even when filled with ideas sucks, but if I want to live and write, that’s what I’ve got to do.

My editing may not have improved, but my skill at writing with efficiency has improved. I’m less distracted when I write. I can stay on task longer and allow the ideas to flow unimpeded. I can write posts in far less time after this month than in the beginning.

I’m less tied to the outcome of posts. I’m not worried about them being the best they can be. Not every post, or even many of my posts, are anywhere close to being as good as I’d like them to be. But, I have come to appreciate that as a part of the art of blogging. Yes, it sticks around, but it has a limited shelf-life. There’s always another post around the corner. And it’s worth it just to happen upon the one true ring…I mean…one true post to rule them all and in the darkness bind them…er, one post that rings true with someone else. That connection makes blogging a joy for me.

I learned that my belief in blogging as community is even more firmly cemented than ever. My Google Reader has exploded with unread blogs. I haven’t been keeping up with anyone’s writing and I miss them. I love giving support to other bloggers’ time and effort by commenting. I’ll be clicking “Mark all as read” at midnight tonight, then starting fresh on December 1st. I eagerly anticipate returning to old friends and meeting new ones this month as I return to commenting.

I’ve learned that my partner was willing to bend over backwards for me this month because he could see the passion I have for these projects. He took on more time with the kids and household duties on top of working long hours and the already involved dad he was. He overlooked the steadily building piles of laundry, dishes, books, papers, and unpacked bags while doing what he could to manage them. Sadly, he lost the war, but beginning tomorrow, he’ll have his ally back.

And finally I learned that being a Political Science/Journalism double major in college has ruined me for writing anything less than 1,000 words. No matter how hard I try, my brain is trained to create the introduction, body, and conclusion in that length.

I went completely off-balance this month. On purpose. I’ve breathed words, but haven’t lived them enough. I’ve exhaled, but not done enough inhaling. It’s time to return to center, pause and look around, enjoy some deep, full breaths and return to life again.

That is unless someone is planning a NaKnitMo. I have been wanting to pick up my needles again after all these years…Don’t worry hubby, that was a joke.

 

I’m not one to break with my month-long tradition. This goes up unedited and full of my beloved passive voice. *smoochies to spellcheck, that will now have a conniption*

NaBloPoMo 2011

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Giving ThanksThe inspiring and bootylicious Amanda from Let’s Take the Metro, aka, Queen of All that is Shark, has invited a slew of talented bloggers to participate in The Gratitude Challenge. We’re each listing 100 things we’re grateful for and sharing them.

Writing this list was a pleasure. I decided to hold my gratitude in my heart and write the entire list all at once. I liked both the practice of looking for, cataloging, and holding onto the gratitude over the last few weeks. And I liked the good feelings I got just typing it all up quickly. I like that a million more thoughts of gratitude came up as I wrote this.

I’m planning to read everyone’s lists tonight after the kids are asleep. It creates a warm spot of happy in my heart. Please pop over to The Gratitude Challenge for a shot of joy to your heart.

I am grateful for Nataraj.

  1. I am grateful that you awoke the mother in me.
  2. I am grateful for your blue eyes that remind me there’s a piece of Papa through me to you.
  3. I am grateful for your dramatic personality that is always entertaining.
  4. I am grateful for you dressing up and imaginative play.
  5. I am grateful that you question me thoroughly about every decision.
  6. I am grateful for you passion to learn.
  7. I am grateful for your bravery.
  8. I am grateful that you communicate your feelings to me so well.
  9. I am grateful for how much you adore your brothers.
  10. I am grateful that you say “Thank you” even though you hate when someone compliments your hair.
  11. I am grateful for Ganesha.

  12. I am grateful for your brown eyes like mine.
  13. I am grateful for your soft, “I Love You’s” that break my heart with their feeling.
  14. I am grateful that you stand up for yourself.
  15. I am grateful for your interest in building and creating with your hands.
  16. I am grateful for your songs you break into when you think no one is listening.
  17. I am grateful for your tight curls on the top of your head.
  18. I am grateful for the tiny freckles just beginning on your nose.
  19. I am grateful for how much you want to be older, but still love to be snuggling like the little one.
  20. I am grateful that you don’t let me say no to things without an explanation.
  21. I am grateful for how much you enjoy helping and being involved.
  22. I am grateful for Buddha.

  23. I am grateful for your Yoda ears.
  24. I am grateful for your huge smiles and exuberant laughter.
  25. I am grateful for your strong will that is tempered by a sunny disposition.
  26. I am grateful that you can speak and sign so many words.
  27. I am grateful for how you follow your big brothers around.
  28. I am grateful for how you get into everything.
  29. I am grateful that you prefer the potty over cloth diapers.
  30. I am grateful that you love eating solid food almost as much as you love mommy milk.
  31. I am grateful for your hugs. Just thinking about them changes my mood.
  32. I am grateful that you love to run instead of walk.
  33. I am grateful for Saraswati.

  34. I am grateful that I am your mother and you are my daughter.
  35. I am grateful that you guided your brothers to be here safely.
  36. I am grateful for missing you every day of my life.
  37. I am grateful for the love and pain intertwined in my heart every time I think of you.
  38. I am grateful for the ability you gave me to honor pain in others and the strength to bear it.
  39. I am grateful for the memories I have of you moving inside me.
  40. I am grateful for the time I had alone with your body after you were born.
  41. I am grateful that I was able to see your blue eyes.
  42. I am grateful that you stayed with me until I was able to say goodbye.
  43. I am grateful that I will remember you in a way no one else will.
  44. I am grateful for my Partner.

  45. I am grateful to have been with you for half of my life.
  46. I am grateful that I keep falling in love with the evolving person you are.
  47. I am grateful for your friendship.
  48. I am grateful for your unconditional support.
  49. I am grateful for your passion.
  50. I am grateful that you are more patient than anyone I have ever known.
  51. I am grateful that you get such fulfillment out of being a father.
  52. I am grateful for this month of writing insanity that you have allowed me.
  53. I am grateful for your tender, gentle, quiet bravery.
  54. I am grateful that the 21 year old brat I was didn’t drive you away with my immaturity.
  55. I am grateful for my in real life Family and Friends.

  56. I am grateful that you are patient with my quietness.
  57. I am grateful when you tolerate my exuberance (and that you never know which you’ll get.)
  58. I am grateful that you love my kids and that I love yours (and/or your furry babies.)
  59. I am grateful that you gave me space to heal, but never deserted me.
  60. I am grateful that you laugh freely and spread that happiness wherever you go.
  61. I am grateful that you are comfortable sharing your quirkiness with me.
  62. I am grateful that even during difficult times, you’ve never taken sides.
  63. I am grateful to be heard by you.
  64. I am grateful to listen to you.
  65. I am grateful for your unexpected presence in my life and for the endings that happen as well.
  66. I am grateful for my Online Friends.

  67. I am grateful that the bonds we have formed, even though we’ve never met face to face are as strong as if we had.
  68. I am grateful that we met online because I was both more cautious and more open to listening and speaking with someone new.
  69. I am grateful for every word you have shared of yourself.
  70. I am grateful for the parts of yourself that you choose to keep to yourself.
  71. I am grateful for the new ideas you have opened me up to.
  72. I am grateful for the kindness and the cruelty I have witnessed online.
  73. I am grateful to have a weirdly safe space in this public area.
  74. I am grateful for the inspiring examples of the type of person and parent I strive to model.
  75. I am grateful for your beautiful families that you share pictures and events about.
  76. I am grateful to extend my friendship to you even if you’re not entirely certain who I am.
  77. I am grateful for Acquaintances.

  78. I am grateful to know you care about someone I care for.
  79. I am grateful knowing that meeting you is a reminder that my friends and family have parts of their lives that go on without me at all.
  80. I am grateful to meet someone new as I love that moment of finding commonalities and differences.
  81. I am grateful for the ease of being with someone who has no context in which to place me.
  82. I am grateful when I see judgments in your eyes affirmed or refuted.
  83. I am grateful knowing that I connected with another circle of people that moves independent of my own.
  84. I am grateful when you are curious about me or my family.
  85. I am grateful when we realize there might be a real connection to pursue.
  86. I am grateful when we realize there is little connection.
  87. I am grateful for the reminder that we are both unique and insignificant at the same time.
  88. I am grateful for Strangers.

  89. I am grateful for the Occupiers who are out there every day trying to get the best for us.
  90. I am grateful for the people who work selflessly for peace and equality for everyone.
  91. I am grateful when I interact with someone I don’t know and see that we left each other feeling a little bit happier.
  92. I am grateful when I interact with someone I don’t know and see that we left each other with no impression or even feeling worse.
  93. I am grateful when I catch strangers in uninhibited moments of public joy.
  94. I am grateful when I provide service to someone I don’t know.
  95. I am grateful for the differences, the variations, and the normal in the people I see.
  96. I am grateful to remember to see each person as a fully-formed individual, even though it is exhausting.
  97. I am grateful for that exhaustion because it means I loved well.
  98. I am grateful for the potential and pain I see everywhere I look.
  99. I am grateful for Myself.

  100. I am grateful that this is the hardest part of the list to write and that I avoided it until Thanksgiving morning.
  101. I am grateful for the power of my body that was grown and birth four children.
  102. I am grateful that my breasts make milk to feed my children.
  103. I am grateful that no matter how horrible things have seemed in the deepest PPD cave, that something stayed my hand.
  104. I am grateful that I sometimes doubt number 94.
  105. I am grateful that sometimes I love so hard causes me physical pain.
  106. I am grateful for getting older, sometimes wise, and always more accepting.
  107. I am grateful for time rubbing off some of my sharp corners.
  108. I am grateful that I have been strong enough to face things I still wish I didn’t know.
  109. I am grateful to have created an existence filled with such riches that this list was easy to write 100 times over.

If you are reading this list, I am grateful for you. It doesn’t matter whether I know you or not. The feeling is real. Thank you. You are beautiful.

NaBloPoMo 2011

Image Credit: FindingMyselfStill

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Holiday Indulgence

Holiday Indulgence

The holiday season is upon us and while I’m trying to stay conscious of my eating, I will be indulging myself and even over-indulging several times before the season is through. While I may feel more inclined for a siesta on the sofa, if I want to avoid some digestive discomfort during my snooze, I plan to do a gentle yoga practice first.

Digestive discomfort may not be solely from eating too many rich foods. Sometimes they can be caused by the stress and aggravation of traveling, organizing the festivities, or even from confronting less than calm interactions around the table. Yoga practice will help me meet with the seasonal stressors with more calm and centeredness. Taking a little time to dedicate to my practice, even 20 minutes, can remind me to focus on the moments of joy and let go of the irritations.

The goal with the Yoga practice either before or after a holiday event is to take a sense of ease off the mat and into the world. I can take the feeling of calm with me as I encounter the stressors with greater equanimity. And practicing after an event will help me heal any dis-ease so that I can truly relax when I get that snooze.

Bearing in mind that it is best to practice yoga with a relatively empty stomach, if there is gas or acid, these poses can still be performed as long as you move slowly and gently. Remember that moving into and out of the poses carefully can be more important than actually being in the pose. These are the times when I am most likely distracted and not as careful with my body as I need to be, especially if I’m thinking about my stomach ache.

Sitting cross-legged

Sitting cross-legged

Breathing (Pranayama)

Even if there are just a few moments stolen between activities, simply sitting in a comfortable position, closing the eyes and slowing the breath can help. Keep the mind on the inhale and the exhale through the nose. Be curious about whether the inhale or the exhale is longer. Try to slow down the breath, keeping it comfortable and easy. Don’t allow your mind to wander, but keep it focused on the cleansing breath. Allow your breath to move any trapped gas out of the body. If the stomach is churning, keep thinking of the natural rhythm of the breath in and out, as it bring in nutrients and releases waste.

Yoga Cat

Table to Cat Cow Pose

Coming to hands and knees with elbows straight but not locked, form a table with your back, keeping the head in line with the spine. On an inhale, slowly move in a swayback cow position by arching the back while allowing the belly to hang down toward the floor. Raise the head and look up to the ceiling. Then on an exhale, slowly move into cat by bowing the back toward the ceiling, sucking the belly in (if it feels alright for your digestion) and letting the top of the head drop toward the floor. Repeat with the breath a few times. Pause in table top again then move the right side of the head, shoulder, and right hip toward each other on an inhale. Exhale while releasing and move the left side of your head, shoulder and left hip toward one another. Repeat a few times, following the breath. Finally return to table top position for one breath cycle.

Down Dog

Down Dog Pose

From table top, on the next exhale, push up into downward facing dog. Straighten the legs and keep the elbows straight but not locked. Move up and out of the shoulders without collapsing the chest. Look toward the heels and imagine them lowering to the floor on each exhale. Allow the belly to become soft and think of lifting your sitting bones toward the ceiling. Feel the strength of the legs while slightly shifting the weight into them and off your shoulders. Breathe with a soft belly.

Triangle Pose

Triangle Pose

Triangle Pose

From down dog, slowly step the right leg forward between the hands. In this lunge position, turn the left foot flat so that it the toes are pointing at a 90 degree angle. Checking to make sure the arch of the left foot is in line with the heel of the right foot, move the left toes in slightly. On an inhale, using the strength of the back leg, straighten the front knee (but don’t lock it) and turn the torso to face the side wall as you lift the left arm toward the ceiling. Place the right hand on the shin or a block. Those are a lot of directions, so once the feeling of having the pose happens, bring your attention back to the breath and the belly. Calm and level out the breathing if it has quickened and allow the belly to go soft. After a few breaths, slowly turn and place the hands back on either side of the front foot and find that lunge position. Bring the right leg back. Find down dog, table top or child’s pose and rest for a few breaths before repeating triangle on the other side.

Easy Spinal Twist

Easy Spinal Twist

Seated or Supported Twist Pose

Skip the more active version of the pose if diarrhea is an issue. Supported twist or better yet supported child’s pose with the torso resting on a bolster, rolled blankets, or firm cushions is a better choice. From Table top or down dog, moving slowly, come into a cross-legged position. It is fine to sit on a cushion or even a chair if hip flexibility might cause limitations for the twist. Inhale and lift the arms overhead and straighten the spine. On an exhale, lower the arms as the torso turns to the right. Place the right hand on the floor behind the hip and the left hand to the outside of the right knee. Turn the head and look over the right shoulder. Breathe. Notice if the spin has collapsed and straighten if needed. Ensure that the belly is soft. Back off from the twist a bit if too much tension is being held in the belly or hip flexors. After a few breaths, us an inhale to turn the torso and head back to center, raising the arms overhead. Repeat on the left side.

The supported version of the twist begins with placing the bolster, rolled blankets, or firm cushion extending away behind the right hip. Instead of sitting cross-legged, bend the right knee and place the right side of the leg toward the floor so the arch of the right foot meets the left knee. Either keep the left leg straight on the floor or bend it so that the inside of the left leg is on the floor and the arch of the left foot rest comfortably on the floor. Inhale, arms overhead. Exhale, and turn the torso so to the right, then lay it down along the support. Relax the belly and breathe. Repeat on the left side after a few moments.

Legs up the WallLegs Up the Wall Pose

Sit down facing to the left against the wall. Place the right hip at the base of the wall, then lean back away from the wall, raising the legs up along the wall as you roll onto your back. If this is not comfortable due to tight hamstrings, place a firm pillow, bolster or yoga block underneath the hips. Place arms out to the sides and breathe. Stay in this position for up to 15 minutes. To come out, roll out slowly in the same manner as going in, taking plenty of time to readjust after the inversion. Move slowly.

To create a Flow practice for digestion ease, move between the first four poses, inserting child’s pose or simple breathing between poses as needed. This can be done as energetically or as slowly as desired, so long as breathing is never compromised and awareness of keeping the belly soft is maintained.

I have a Mini-Restorative Sequence for Moon Time that is also wonderful for easing digestion, lowering stress, and bringing a sense of groundedness during these busy holiday times. There is a full explanation of the supported child’s pose there, as well.

NaBloPoMo 2011

 

Image Credits: Wikipedia, Seated Twist: jbyogafit on Flickr, Legs up the Wall: Elsie YogaKula

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Heart Forest

Heart Forest

There is a need for like-minded families to come together and support one another in their gentle parenting choices. Families can use a safe space where they won’t be accused of acting judgmental because they do things out of the mainstream. A place where following evidence-based practices with full hearts and clear minds, is not scoffed at. They want to nurture families, not in isolation from the world, but in a safe haven when they step back into themselves at the end of the day.

The Crunchy Commune will be situated in a rural area with convenient access to both the beach and the mountains. It will be close enough to a city to enjoy its cultural opportunities, yet convenient to suburbs for the open spaces.

It will be easy for children, who so desire, to walk safely to local schools, including public colleges. There will also be spaces for the full spectrum of homeschooling methodologies.

Families practice forms of attachment parenting, conveniently known by whatever name each family prefers: positive parenting, positive discipline, gentle parenting, gentle discipline, consensual living, and so on.

There will be space for worship and space without worship because everyone can coexist when there is an understanding of respect and tolerance simply by virtue of your being a commune resident. Everyone will be free to choose to participate or learn from the many philosophies and spiritual practices available in the group of educated and diverse families.

The grounds will include extensive areas for organic vegetables, fruits, and grains. There will be a separate space for animals, for those who choose to humanely raise and consume them. All allergies, eating preferences, and diets will be honored and appreciated.

It goes without saying that everyone is welcome and accepted, without regard to abilities, beliefs, background, gender identification, orientations, or any other grouping that is arbitrarily chosen as a label by society. It is up to each individual to choose their identity, or to not choose. The group is accepting of all human beings.

Breastfeeding and babywearing are the norm. Bottle-feeding and strollers are not only tolerated, they are supported as another variation of parental choice. Milk sharing and wet nursing are readily available options, as is formula. Everyone already knows that simply by being a part of the crunchy commune, you are well educated and tolerant of other’s views. Sharing personal experiences is done without blame, shame or ostracizing.

Groups watch children together, allowing time for children and parents to interact with one another, knowing that they can come together and be apart safely.

Gender neutral parenting is encouraged as the norm; gender-specific parenting is also supported.

Daily exercise and mindfulness practices, such as meditation and yoga, will be available at any hour of the day.

Heart Tree

Heart Tree

There will be a library well-stocked with the latest in gentle parenting information. Free wifi is available for all the family bloggers and research hounds in residence.

There will be holistic health practitioners available: surgeons, obstetricians, midwifes, doulas, family doctors, pediatricians, therapists, chiropractors, massage therapist, acupuncturists, and so on. The health care providers work together to provide the best care for their clients. They believe in the validity of one another’s education and approach. They are tolerant of parental choices and work together to support the parent in making evidence-based choices.

The Crunchy Commune invites any who are exploring or are already well on the path to gentle parenting.

The Crunchy Commune will be a safe space for attached families to recharge their spirits with like-minded granolas. It is not a place for retreat from the world, but rather a place of softness to recover before returning to the world where parenting practices and negative stereotypes predominate.

And by request of Amanda from Mommies are Light, there will be a mobile fair-trade, shade grown, and all other humane choices, electric powered Coffee truck that makes the rounds without annoying music to all who need late night snacks.

Disclaimer: The Crunchy Commune is not a real place unless I create it. I’m creating this place of acceptance inside my heart for all the risks taken in stepping away from societal norms. I’m carving out a place to accept others who may seem intolerant. I take it with me wherever I go. Won’t you join me in the Crunchy Commune? You’re cordially invited…

 

Would you live in a crunchy commune either in real life or in your heart? Is it too hippy dippy for you or not enough? Is there anything else you would add to you crunchy commune? I would love to hear from you.

NaBloPoMo 2011

Photo Attribution: The Heart Forest is a real photo, widely used on the net. I couldn’t track down the original owner, but my gratitude to them

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Splashes approximating bigBy entering into this whole parenting thing, I’ve chosen to be an ideal parent. There is no option to opt out of it. My every decision is related to being the best parent I can be. Yet, I doubt my ability to be the ideal parent. I feel like a fraud when I write about how to handle tricky parenting situations with calm, patience and compassion. I know that I yelled at my kids this morning, and then wrote a post about valuing everyone’s needs in the afternoon.

I’ve considered packing up shop here when I read others who seem to be struggling with their parenting far less than I do on a daily, sometimes even hourly basis. I’m not someone who should be giving parenting advice or spouting off on how to communicate effectively with my partner.

But, even more than this, I have lingering doubts that I should be parenting at all. When I had PPD, I believed that my children would be better off without me. I have yet to completely shake off this belief.

It haunts me every time I have flash backs or realize that I may have reacted with a millisecond hand-twitch because I’m incapable of coping with my overwhelm in the moment and a child has intruded with a legitimate need. Even on a normal day, if I’m short with someone, I bring up that PPD thought to question torture myself.

I don’t live up to my perfect ideals of a calm, compassionate Yogini. I have judgments arise. I’m erratic instead of placid. I have ADHD and anxiety. I have a lot of tools to deal with these and I’ve got plenty of practice in effective apologies. But, I always fall short.

I’m not the writer I want to be. I have too many unfinished pieces and unformed ideas. I don’t edit closely enough. I write on the fly (like this) more often than I would like to and those researched posts never seem to make it where I want to. And I’m avoiding writing about more things, when I get stuck in navel-gazing issues like I have been lately.

While I’m standing here naked, I’ll share this shadow. I’ve often wondered why I am still alive. I thought that there was some magical age that I would be grown up and get over this obsession I have with the big, deep (pedantic?) questions about existence.

There’s a reason Buddha, Nietzsche, Schopenhauer, Lewis, Patanjali, Shakespeare, King, and their subsequent musers are dog-eared and rarely leave my bedside table for long. I keep cracking open their brains and poking around for “the” answer.

Joy

Image by alancleaver_2000 via Flickr

Surprisingly, I am happy, beneath all this maudlin, and self-indulgent, thinking. When I let myself, I know there is a priori to everything good. All life is fundamentally good.

I see it in the moment my children were born. They were so bright, it almost blinded me. I can see it in anyone at any given time, when they let their persona slip (especially in yoga class or while they’re lost in a moment of fun.) Most of the time we manage to keep it well hidden.

I can’t feel it, but I keep coming back to this idea: If you spend your whole life pretending to be good, then you are indistinguishable from a good person. Relentless hypocrisy becomes truth. Meaning, it doesn’t matter whether you are the parent or the person you desperately want to be. If you make every decision as you believe that person, or parent, would, in the end you were your true, good self. You succeeded, despite your doubts.

Sure takes the weight off, don’t it? I don’t have to be good or whole or perfect or anything inside. I can be a total, unapologetic fake within my heart, as long as I act as if that heart were pure and true. I’ve done the same thing in the end.

And maybe, just maybe, if I direct a little bit of that back inward, I’ll see that I really am all the things I want to be. If I let myself. Occasionally.

How do you get through on days that you fell short of your ideals? How about on days when you are fully conscious of your failures, but you have to keep trudging along anyway? I’d love to hear from you.

NaBloPoMo 2011

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Anjali Mudra: Gratitude Namaste

Anjali Mudra: Namaste

I’m inspired by Amanda at Let’s Take the Metro‘s weekly gratitude post. So, I’m going to cultivate a little more gratitude in my life by joining her on a quest to be thankful until we absolutely exude gratitude. I hope you’ll also join Amanda in sharing just five things you are thankful for this week. Thank you to Amanda for helping bring back genuine gratitude.

This week I am grateful for:

  • Date Nights. My husband and I spend one-on-one time with each of the kids every week. I spend alone time with my husband a couple of times a month. My kids started asking for date nights after they say their dad and me going out together. He and I spoke about it as such a positive thing for us that they started asking for “date nights,” too. It is a necessary luxury for our family dynamics to have this time for each of us.
  • Relationships. Building on the idea of date nights, my husband and I have emphasized the importance of remembering that each person has a unique and independent relationship with every other person in our family. I honor the relationship that my sons have with each other with equal importance as the ones I have with them. They know that and call me on it when I overstep. It has eliminated issues around jealousy and rivalry, at least so far.
  • Alone time. I learned while deep in PPD that I had to have date nights with myself (and so does my partner.) On alternating weeks, one of us schedules a night off, even when we don’t feel we need it. And when one of us does need to take a break, the other does their best to step in and give that time to recharge.
  • A partner willing to put up with a horrible mess. I’m participating in both NaBloPoMo and NaNoProgMo this month. At day 19, we’re up to our ears in laundry, dishes, and stuff everywhere. My partner has never once complained about the state of the house. He has quietly kept up with what he can and supported me to have this time to write. We spoke about what these project meant to be beforehand, and while I didn’t know how bad the house was going to get, I am humbled to have someone so completely on my side; especially when I think about how he’s getting nothing out of this project except my feedback to him.
  • A son who loves ballet. The lack of boys in ballet has already gotten on his radar at the age of 5, but he is enjoying it so much that he’s sticking with it. I have been talking with him about deciding whether and when he wants to accept other people’s opinions about the things he wants to do. I’m hoping to help him understand that he doesn’t have to accept any limitations except his own. It saddens me to see the pressures he’s already feeling about ballet. I hope he keeps this love as long as possible.

I feel as though I just stood under a clear waterfall. Thank you, Amanda, for reminding me to give my gratitude a voice (oops! Does that make 6? ;)

NaBloPoMo 2011

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The Art of Surrender

The Art of Surrender

When I hear the word surrender, I tend to react in a negative way. I think of it as submitting, giving up or giving in. I think of surrender as letting go of my power or my protection. I am vulnerable to anything or anyone that might hurt me. So I struggle when someone says the word surrender to me.

But, I’ve learned that surrendering does not mean becoming weak. I’ve learned that if I become softer with something, I actually find strength. I am able to allow my inner strength to bubble up. I don’t often trust that it will be there or that it will be strong enough, but my strength always is.

I’m not sure why I don’t believe in my strength (but I have a few ideas that I won’t go into here.) It has never failed me when I have truly allowed it to come up instead interfering with it by holding on.

I have birthed four children and each time, I was not able to do it until I surrendered into the act of birth. In that letting go of my control, I found strength I never knew I had. It was the strength to bring another human being out of my body and into the world. I held onto this strength for quite a long time after each birth, but it doesn’t remain with me unless I surrender into it again.

Surrendering is natural for my state, but my life has encouraged my belief that being tight and unyielding cultivates strength. There can be a place for that kind of strength, but it has never worked as well for me as the fluidity of surrender.

Every guilt-memory I have created for myself as a parent is also one I can point to as being one where I did not surrender and trust myself. I can’t seem to hold onto the memory of my power to create unless I mindfully do the work.

It is the small examples of surrender I think of as mindfully doing the work. Such as, when I’m struggling to get my kids out the door and it seems like we’re moving in lock step toward a power struggle. It takes a long time and is unpleasant for us all unless one of us opts out of the struggle.

As the parent, that would be me who has to the responsibility to surrender in that moment. Once I withdraw from our ego-battle and surrender into our rhythms, the oppressive atmosphere lifts. We get out the door more quickly and most often manage to do it smiling.

All it took was for me to surrender and the strength to smoothly get out the door arrived. Yet, again I am focusing on my kids as the “problem” to fix in order to get out the door. I should be focusing on myself as part of the solution to getting out the door.

Whether I’m the entire problem or whether my kids pick up on my attitude and react (which I then react to and so on; back and forth) isn’t as important as remembering that the only thing I can control is how I feel about what is happening and what I do with those feelings.

I have had this happen in Yoga class, too. My inner monologue says that a pose is hard for me and I tighten up. Then begins the battle between my body and my will. I fight and struggle to open. If I’m lucky, I remember to let go and start mentally looking for places I’m holding tension or pushing against. I back off on the tension and the pushing and find that there is so much more space to move into. I never would have found flexibility without injury unless I became soft.

I have the same experience with writing, which is how this piece is actually appearing tonight. I have had a sinus headache and have been worried about what to write for my daily post all day. I’ve been searching for inspiration, getting more stressed about it as the day goes on. Until finally, when there are only a few minutes left before it is time for the kids’ bedtime routine, I was willing to surrender into whatever came out of me. I sat down; took some deep breaths and began with the idea of surrender.

I have memories of this happening with exams in school, presentations at work, projects, decisions, travels with my family, and the list goes on. Most of all, I remember this happening with PPD. It was worse when I struggled and fought. Surrendering while depressed was much more frightening to me because feelings of death feel real. I was always in panic-mode if I thought I was going to get lost in the darkness and never find my way back. Whenever I was able to face that fear, healing became easier and I was kinder to myself.

This leads me to the realization that there are times when I need to step back from being engaged in the moment (or perhaps, more explicitly, being disengaged because I’m worrying about the future or the past) and become the observer. There are times when being in the moment can be more of a trap and it is necessary to get a clear view. I cannot get rid of my ego with another active action of my ego. The work is looking at each situation and deciding whether it will be better served by diving back into the flow or stepping out to observe. Either way, I need to surrender and trust in myself.

How do you feel about surrendering? Do you fight against it or are you able to access power through the art of observation and letting go? I would love to hear from you.

NaBloPoMo 2011

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When You Have Got Sleep by the Tail

I’m walking this path today with my eyes looking up. I’m entranced by the cloud shapes. I reach my hands up and find that I’m able to collect and shape them. Delicately I begin to form shapes. I’m teasing out meanings and learning as I go. I am not certain what they will be yet.

I’m engaged in looking at the sky so that I don’t notice the path I’ve chosen has entered a forest of giant bamboo. I don’t hear that I’m being stalked. If I were to look, I would glimpse orange and black streaking by me between the stalks.

A part of me is aware of the striped predator, but I don’t want to stop the movements of my fingers. I’m enjoying this entirely cerebral feeling too much to return to the mundane messages my physical body is sending.

The tiger knows this prey won’t disengage in time and crouches to pounce. I sigh and let the clouds drift away. I may never catch these same clouds again and even if I do, the shapes I was making can never be repeated. I will have to create something different the next time.

I cannot fight this tiger. I can hold him at bay for a time. I can even meet him from the high ground and choose how I go. He has a double agent, though. If I avoid him for too long, my own body will turn me over to him. Eventually I, like everyone else, surrender to him.

When he finishes with me tonight, I will be free to cloud sculpt until the tiger comes again to hunt me down.

Iridescent clouds

Image via Wikipedia

NaBloPoMo 2011

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Connected Parenting

Continuing the NaBloPoMo posts that scare me, I’m combining two at once:  “the list post” and “the advice post.” I don’t mind sharing my own experiences in the spirit of sharing and connecting. But, I shy away from giving advice because I believe things are best discovered on our own.

So, here’s my advice on being a more connected parent today, in list form:

 

  1. Turn off the electronics
  2. Yes, there are always things to do and people to reply to. If you’re not willing to turn these off to be a connected parent right now, then try another time when you do want to. And it’s better to be honest with yourself about this up front and do this when you really want to. You’re the only one who is going to know or judge yourself for when you feel most ready to unplug and tune into your child.

  3. Stop, Look, and Listen
  4. Whatever your expectations about connecting with your child, stop holding onto them. Get down with your child and look at what they’re interested in from their point of view. Stop and look them in the eyes, this time not from adult height, but from child-level. Listen to what they have to say and then ask simple questions to open them up more about it. Be interested.

  5. Be out of control
  6. Stop being the parent for awhile. It’s okay to let go of being in charge of the situation. This means, don’t structure or plan. Don’t look at the clock. Just see where your child wants to explore and go along for the ride.

  7. Put your own issues on hold
  8. If you don’t like it when your child says or does certain things that you feel are rude, overly demanding, or push your buttons for whatever reason, it’s time to put it aside until later. This time is for connecting. The only part of being the responsible parent that you should hold onto is being able to not react to your emotions until another time. It is okay to express your feelings, but do so using “I” statements that support your needs without blame or shame.

  9. Do what your child wants to do
  10. Don’t try to direct the activities. Go along with their imagination. Be the follower and let them lead. Talk about why and how. Be interested in what they’re trying to explore without steering the conversation to things that make sense or have a resolution.

  11. Find the yes in the no
  12. If your child wants to do something that you normally say no to, pause for an extra breath and think about why you’re saying no. Can you say yes? What’s the harm? If you’re not controlling things, maybe you can let it go. If the answer still needs to be no, perhaps it can be rephrased into a yes. Instead, “No. Stop chasing the cat with the lightsaber,” try something playfully positive like, “Lightsabers are for battling with other lightsabers. The cat doesn’t enjoy being chased. I can challenge you to a battle in which I assure you of defeat, Jedi, or you can meet me in a war of Lego building.”

  13. Use your beginner’s mind
  14. Think about what your child might be exploring with their play or speech. Put yourself in their position and imagine what it is like to encounter new things. Be playful with them and support them in trying new things. Failing can be a good thing, especially when someone is with you unconditionally. That’s an important lesson to learn from a parent and it doesn’t take much from us-just the ability to forget all we think we know as the supposedly mature one.

  15. Stop, Drop and Roll
  16. Stop whatever you’re doing. Kick off your shoes. Get on the floor and get physical. Touching, playing and cuddling are all done best at the child’s level and this means getting low. Following their lead to crawl around and be with them on the floor can go a long way to connecting. If your child isn’t responding, just reclining on the floor and relaxing is an invitation to join you. Sometimes the quiet play next to one another can be just as connecting as active play.

  17. Forget those teachable moments
  18. Parents love to make every moment meaningful. But, it can sound like lecturing if it’s done often. And by often, I mean that it’s probably a good idea to bite your tongue about a lesson to learn 99 times out of 100 (if not 100 out of 100.) Sharing teachable moments can suck the joy out of being in the moment. It puts up a wall between you. If you need to spread your parental wisdom, get a blog (no comments from the peanut gallery, please ;p )

  19. Laugh
  20. If you must schedule something, then set a timer to laugh at regular intervals. It doesn’t have to make sense. It doesn’t have to have anything to do with what you and your child are doing in that moment. You’re not being the adult right now.  Just laugh. Giggle. Decide to be happy. Even if you have to fake the chuckles at first. If you give it a genuine try to fake it until you make it, it’s irresistible.

What else should be added to this list? Have you got numbers 11+ to share? I’d love to hear from you.

NaBloPoMo 2011

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