I’m at the end of NaBloPoMo: blogging every day for the month of November. The last time I attempted this challenge, I learned about myself as a person, a mother, and a writer.
That was November 2011. I thought I was done having children. I had mourned for the child I felt I’d never have and I had let it go. That month’s writing challenge was a sort of test run to see if I was ready to concentrate on writing, training, and teaching projects that were my passions that were separate from being a mom.
I was ready to move into the next phase of balancing parenting and personal passion. I spent the following month outlining my ideas and pulling together resources.
Then I became pregnant with twins.
My projects were put on hold until I passed morning sickness, then until the chronic pain stopped, then until I wasn’t so huge and exhausted, then until after the birth…
It wasn’t until my babies were 2 months old that I really said good-bye to my projects and felt content with the decision. It was difficult, but incredibly freeing to trust that those opportunities ended, but ones I hadn’t thought of would be there when I was ready.
So, is this year’s NaBloPoMo a test drive for future projects? I didn’t think so when I started, but now I do. I feel like my creative well has been released and I have new ideas for projects, both new and old.
But, I learned last time to write everything down in an idea journal so I don’t lose them. And for now, that journal is enough. I will slowly pursue my passions because as I was reminded this NaBloPoMo, I am still content with my choice to invest my energies in parenting and any extra I will put into the things that refill my bucket.
As I write this, I feel like that might sound a little sad. If the reaction is that I’m deferring what I want, so that I can be a mom, then I wonder if there’s an unconscious “just” in front of “a mom.” In reality, mom is not who I am (except to my kids) but it is what I do. Without mom on my resume, I wouldn’t have nearly the rest of the passions I have for writing, yoga, and everything else. Parenting provides continuous fuel for energy in my life.
I cannot understate this: Being a mom, inspires me to be better than I am, not for anyone else (although that’s available to me, too, of course) but for myself. When I look over my gratitude post, those are the things I’ve learned from writing every day this month and they all spring from inspiration I feel from parenting.
I am content to move out of the fast lane onto the country road. I want a lower speed limit so that I don’t miss anything along the way.
In keeping with NaBloPoMo tradition, this post is going up raw: no proofreading, no editing, and only a little cringing from me about that.
In gratitude to my readers this month,
Post for NaBloPoMo
(Since I’m writing most of these late at night, in bed, while tandem nursing twins, I’m choosing to concentrate on writing rather than formatting, proof-reading, researching or editing as much as I’d like. Please forgive the extra typos and non-nonsensical grammar. Thank you.)