Yesterday, we had our only planned ultrasound. I wasn’t sure until a little over a week ago that I wanted an ultrasound, but I plan one if I’m feeling concerned (which is something I think every mother with a loss feels, until that baby is in arms.) In this case, I had a worrying few hours with painful contractions, which thankfully petered out and never returned. However, after this, I began feeling a lot more fetal movement than before. And the movements, on the top and bottom, or both sides, of my uterus at once were making me suspicious. Those movements felt like kicks everywhere, not punches and kicks.
I had been having vivid dreams of twin girls throughout the pregnancy, but assumed they were wish-fulfillment for my stillborn girl. Since this is my last pregnancy, I was sure that I wanted to be surprised about the gender, but these twin dreams weren’t leaving me alone. So, I decided to take one of the over-the-counter gender tests, for fun. Nowhere on the label did it warn me that the chemical reaction would heat up enough to make moving the bottle from the floor impossible, nor did it mention the pressure would blow the rubber gasket off with such force it would smack into the ceiling. In hindsight, I doubt it normally does this.
It came up boy, of course, and I was pleased with that result. I’m less afraid of anything happening to them because I’ve carried 3 boys successfully. And I felt prepared to go into the ultrasound without asking the gender of the baby. It was one less stressor for me on a day that, I think, most mothers look forward to. But, I have vivid flashbacks about finding out during the ultrasound that our daughter would not survive. Every decoration in the office is burned into my memory because I walk the rooms often in my dreams. Going there triggers flashbacks and mourning for me, but I trust the ultrasound tech like I wouldn’t trust anyone else with a scan. He is compassionate with my fear, as well as respectful of my reservations about the safety of ultrasound scans.
And, speaking of scans, this is what we found. My Mothers Day wish fulfillment come true:
TWIN GIRLS!!
Twin girls! Both measuring healthy and right on target at 19 weeks each. I’m elated and excited to learn all about twin pregnancies, births, and childhood development. Dp is a equal parts shocked and happy. My two oldest boys are thrilled and can’t stop talking about seeing their new baby sisters. My little guy is sick today, but he was fascinated during the ultrasound and keeps pointing to my belly to say, “babies.” So, I think he’s got the concept pretty well.
We were able to determine that they are in separate amniotic sacs, but they’re too big to get a clear shot of whether they have their own placentas or are sharing one. I haven’t spoken with my midwife in detail, yet, but barring any complications, I plan on glorious homebirths number 5 and 6 next fall.
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Wow wow wow wow and double wow!!! Zoie!!! I am so happy for you! I don’t go on Facebook much these days or keep up with blogs much, but I am so glad to have come to read yours! HUGE HUGS!
Wooooooooowwww!!!!! That is SO extraordinarily exciting! I’ve been offline a bit recently but something told me tonight to come and check on how you were doing and so even though I’m a little late to the news I want to share how happy I am for you. I remember your blog post for the family size carnival and you said that 5 children would feel complete – the Universe definitely heard you on that one. Much love to your whole family.
Doubly blessed. Congratulations!
xox
Thank you, Rachael!
Woohoo!I am not caught up on blog reading or twitter but saw mention of this and I had to go hunting. Yay for twin girls! It’s a shock but a good one. No wonder you were feeling so sick in the first tri!!!!
Here’s a few resources that come to mind — PLEASE feel free to contact me if you have questions or need support!
AP multiple group (I followed this for awhile when pregnant but got overwhelmed by it!) http://groups.yahoo.com/group/apmultiples/
DakotaPam is another mama with twin girls and a gaggle of big brothers — she has a series on twins and has blogged about breastfeeding twins too: http://dakotapam.com/
And this natural twin birth video is seriously good stuff and helped me power through the last month. Very inspiring! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7E-wULAaD50
I didn’t have a homebirth but I do have lots of experience with breastfeeding and babywearing twins! So exciting!
Thank you so much, Kristin. I appreciate the resources. I was following Pam on twitter. I’ll double check my reader feed, as well. Love that birth video *swoon*
I “know” one of the moms on that video; Hedra, the double footling breech. She’s an AWESOME person!! She *has* blogged (http://hedra.typepad.com/) but not recently. I think I need to go back and review some of her stuff as L turns 4… Very AP, very NVC, had twin girls after 2 boys. Also an older mom.
Thank you again, mendylady. I’ll go check her blog out and maybe commenting will encourage writing again
HECK YEAH!!!!!!!!! Congrats mama! This post made me cry!
Thank you, Jennifer. Your comment had me tearing up too
What AWESOME news! So excited for you
Thank you, L <3
Holy Smokes! Congratulations! What an outstanding Mothers Day gift for you! (Also, no wonder you were so sick, I’ve heard that twin pregancies can be super brutal.) Wishing you a comfortable and healthy pregnancy!
Thank you, Shana. Yes, that was another clue for me. I was sick with my other girl, but 3 boy pregnancies I felt good.
Twin girls!? Wow!! That is so exciting!
Oh Zoie! I can only imagine how elated you must feel. I am genuinely extremely happy for you. I have tears in my eyes for you (happiness of course). I know how much you wanted another girl and I’m so happy you are having two! I love how intuitive you are. Much love to you momma!
Thank you, J. Miss you guys <3
Oh my goodness, Zoie! Congratulations! I’m amazed at how intuitive you are, and just plain overjoyed for you. What blessed girls to be joining your beautiful family, and what a treasure for you!
Thank you, Melissa <3 <3 <3
Oh sweetie, I totally get where you are coming from on the flashbacks and grieving. What a mix of feelings it can be.
How exciting to be carrying twins!! look forward to hearing more about your progress<3
Thank you, Laura. My midwife just emailed me about her thoughts on all the work I’ve been doing to heal & these babies come along so we can heal with love together.
Zoie – What thrilling and exciting news! And what an amazing blessing!
Thank you, Michele. I miss you guys tons!!
Wow!!! I wish I”d read this earlier today. I am so happy I could burst. Those are two very very lucky little girls, Imagine having three older brothers to look out for them.
Zoie, you deserve some wishes coming true.
love, love, love to you all.
Thank you for those kind words, rockpapertree <3
Holy guacamole! That’s a flipping awesome Mother’s Day surprise! I’m SO excited for you!
Thank you, CJ. I am still in elated mood, moving into a bit of “I can’t believe it’s really true!”
Yay!!! Such wonderful news! Congrats!
Thank you, julamber
Congrats! That’s wonderful news!
Congrats!!!! That’s wonderful news!
Thank you, Starrymom!
Still so happy for you that I’m in tears! (damn hormones.)
Thank you, mendylady. You know I feel the same about your pregnancy. It never closes the wounds, but it heals.
<3 *sniff*
Congratulations!
Thank you, embrita.
I couldn’t help but to think about the imagery of both girls looking out for each other, they are an extra helper for you, in the womb and out.
Surprise indeed! Look at you – sooo intuitive! Honor that great mama! It must mean you are very connected to these souls. I am overjoyed that you get not one daughter, but two! The universe is giving you back in abundance. I bow to thee great mother growing healthy babies!
Thank you so much, Samantha. It is certainly feeling this way. There’s a lot of healing going on inside me today.
Zoie I am crying with happiness for you – CONGRATULATIONS!!! Blessings upon blessings to you beautiful mama – and happy Mother’s Day!
Thank you, Kelly. Happy Mothers Day to you, as well. <3
SO happy for you. Excellent gift for Mother’s Day. EXCELLENT!
Thank you, Megan