TouchstoneZ

Mind Full of Creativity

December 11, 2013 by Zoie at TouchstoneZ

Welcome to the final week of the month-long Carnival of Creative Mothers to celebrate the launch of The Rainbow Way: Cultivating Creativity in the Midst of Motherhood by Lucy H. Pearce which has been Amazon.co.uk’s Hottest New Release in Motherhood for the past week!
Today’s topic is The Creative Process. Do read to the end of this post for a full list of carnival participants.
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Mindfulness looks in a new way

When I think of mindfulness, I think of lower stress levels, letting go of anxiety, and learning to be comfortable with all that is uncomfortable. Mindfulness can be thought of as mental exercises to clear the mind of its constant chatter about the past and the future.

Mindfulness lowers blood pressure, helps ease the symptoms of mental and physical illnesses, and brings a host of other well-researched benefits to a person’s overall health. Mindfulness meditations have been shown to improve interpersonal relationships, job and sports performances, and academic success. The practices also show an increase in satisfaction reported by people in every area of their lives.

With all this clarity and calm, mindfulness has another benefit. Without the the monkey mind jabbering away, there is room for new, better ideas for solutions to everyday problems. Put simply, mindfulness makes space for creativity.

There’s a common phrase in mindfulness literature called, “beginner’s mind.” It refers to the time when someone first approaches a task without the context of previous experience. Context can sometimes hinder one’s paths to solving the task. When someone is an absolute beginner, the possibilities for resolution are wide open. There is no fear of doing it a particular way, so creativity can be utilized.

Mindfulness uses the beginner’s mind concept to tap into our memories of what it feels like to approach a problem without prejudging ourselves or the issue. It allows a space for play and curiosity. Creativity can bloom in this environment.

Mindfulness and Creativity

Another phrase often heard in mindfulness practices is single-pointed focus. This is when you choose one thing and concentrate on it, allowing all other thoughts and feelings to float away from you. If you notice that you float away with them, you let them go and return to the focal point.

Single-pointed focus mimics the feeling of “being in the flow” that is often described by those experiencing creative inspiration. They are able to focus on whatever it is that they are creating to the exclusion of everything else and they’re able to return to the flow when they are distracted by other things.

The more often that things like clearing meditations, beginner’s mind, single-pointed focus are practiced, the easier it is to allow creativity to happen. But, there is another way that mindfulness practices allow creativity to blossom:

Mindfulness creates a quiet mind, that is more resilient from stress, and more creative at problem solving. This means that it also helps to mitigate those frustrating times when creative energy is lost due to things like writer’s block, burn out, and even depression. When in the grip of difficult symptoms, mindfulness practices can help someone bounce back to creativity more quickly or can make the symptoms less severe.

Starting or continuing a mindfulness practice is leap of faith. There is trust in the process and in oneself that it will garner benefits. It can be frustrating when those benefits are slow to come or are not as large as hoped for. But, training the brain to be creative or even taking time out from creative blocks in order to gain some mental space will work.

If you’ve ever been stuck with writer’s block or felt frustrated about not being in the flow, then you know how beneficial a mindfulness break can be. Even if you never labeled your going for a walk, getting a change of scenery, simplifying your commitments or letting go of your worry or expectations about the project so that you can push your reset button, these are mindfulness practices.

Often after these breaks, there comes a breakthrough and new levels of creative thinking are reached. It’s that in between time that I think we all need a little self-compassion and mindfulness.

I often use mindfulness practices to increase my creativity. What about you? Have you tried it?

Photo credits: (1 & 2: Flikr:ConnectIrmeli)

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ORDER YOUR SIGNED COPY of

The Rainbow Way direct from the author and receive:

10% off – use code TRW10
exclusive access to a private Facebook group for creative mothers
a vibrant greetings card and book-mark of one of the author’s paintings.

Kindle and paperback editions from Amazon.co.uk Amazon.com Book Depository, Barnes and Noble

Or order from your local bookshop.

Carnival host and author of The Rainbow Way, Lucy at Dreaming Aloud looks at the common lies we tell ourselves about creativity in The Eternal Summer of the Creative Mind.
Caitriona at Wholesome Ireland - from start to new beginnings.
Hannah M. Davis writes about Unleashing Your Authentic Voice. So many of us would love to write a life-changing book. How do you get over the blocks and barriers that hold you back?
Sylda from Mind the Baby compares her creative process to a maelstrom of weather warnings.
In “As an Artist”, Lucy Pierce at Soulskin Musings offers a poem about how the creative process beckons her through many of the archetypes of womanhood.
Jackie Stewart at Flowerspirit.co.uk talks about how creativity is opening up a space for the unknown to reveal itself to you in ‘Creativity Flourishes in the Sacred Unknown’.
Alex at Art of Birth shares some practical tips on how you can unlock your creative goddess within!
Nicki at justlikeplay shares a love letter to her muse.
Marija Smits has a conversation with her muse and reflects on the difficulties of catching and creating from the Goddess of Inspiration.
Zoie at TouchstoneZ reflects on her creative process.
Licia Berry, Illumined Arts ”Creativity and Healing are Ideal Partners”. The creation of visual, musical, or expressive arts is the quickest, most effective and painless way to heal.
Kirstin at Listening to the Squeak - My creative process and how to break creative blocks.
Ali Baker talks about connecting
with the call of the wolf when she cries to us to do so means giving
our time and permission to honour the creative process within all of us.
Mary at The Turquoise Paintbrush reflects on her creative process.
KatyStuff thinks that projects need time to mature, that is why she is a fabric and craft hoarder.
Aimée at Creativeflutters goes into her creative process and looks at what makes things tick or flop in “Spontaneous She – How to Keep Your Muse at Work”.
Kae at The Wilde Womb muses about her common creative blocks as a parent and how she systematically breaks through them.
Angela at Peach Coglo tries to get comfortable with her own creative process.
Biromums write about their creative processes.
Dawn at The Barefoot Home believes the creative process can’t be taught it has to come organically and at its own pace.
Tara at Aquamarine Art began uncovering her lost inner artist over 5 years ago and shares her experiences and inspirations in “From Spark to Bonfire: The Evolution of A Creative Process.”
Georgie at Visual Toast explores what the creative process looks like for her.
Creative Woman at Creator’s Corner is not concerned with the end product or the outcome but with the process and all the richness that it brings.
Jennifer’s Art Blog explores what the creative process feels like for her.
Fiona at Sunny Spells and Scattered Showers reflects on her creative process.
Sharron at Adventures on the mindful path writes and creates in between (and sometimes while) chasing two little boys and a puppy.
Trying to discover her own methods to the creative process, Jasmine at Brown Eyed Girl, digs deeper to find what it is that really triggers her creativity.
Jessica F. Hinton shares why finding creative spaces as a mother is important and what her space looks like.
Laura at Authentic Parenting reflects on her creative process.
Ingrid at My Peace Tree says Creativity as a living thing – and examines ebb and flow, expectations vs. realities (our own and other people’s), inspiration and how to find it.
Darcel at The Mahogany Way examines her own creative process.
Woman’s Art celebrates her own creative process.

Posted in Mindfulness | Tagged Carnival of Creative Mothers, Creativity, creativity and mindfulness, Health, lucy pearce, meditation, meditation and creativity, Mental health, mindful creativity, mindfulness, mindfulness and creativity, Stress, the rainbow way, Thought, Writer's Block | 7 Comments »

The Seven Year Cycle

December 10, 2013 by Zoie at TouchstoneZ

Welcome to the December 2013 Carnival of Natural Parenting: The More Things Change . . .

This post was written for inclusion in the monthly Carnival of Natural Parenting hosted by Code Name: Mama and Hobo Mama. This month our participants have shared stories and wisdom about life changes.

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There is a theory, first put forth by Rudolph Steiner, that every seven years we begin a new cycle in life. I came across this theory in college and then again when my oldest child was little, but never paid it much heed for my own life until this past year when my twins were born.

I look back on these seven years of motherhood as if I had finished a chapter of a book. This chapter begins with a question that I continued to ask until my twins were born. The question traveled deep within my body and worked its way upward until I really understood that I was asking myself a very different question.

Year One: The Root Chakra

The Root chakra is about being physically present and feeling comfortable no matter the situation.

In the beginning, I thought I was asking my happily childfree self, “Do I want to have kids?” I wasn’t sure so I kept asking and looking inside. Finally, I was comfortable with a very firm, “I don’t know.” It didn’t feel like a mistake to have kids. It felt like I was laying groundwork to take a leap away from who I was into the unknown and trust that I’d still be on the other side when I landed.

This pregnancy was very physical for me. I spent a lot of time learning about the physical aspects of labor, birth, breastfeeding, and tending to a newborn’s needs. I was focused on where exactly this baby was going to come out of my body.

I spent time in physically vigorous yoga classes, kept running, and basically trained for birth like a sport. It was a good thing since my labor, was 26 hours long.

Once my newborn was here, I was in shock that he was here that it took me a little while to bond with him. He had been a part of my body for so long and now he was separate from me.

But, all the training paid off. All the grounding allowed me to take another leap to fall in love with him.

Year Two: The Sacrum

The Sacral chakra is about allowing feelings to flow and being comfortable with your body.

In year two, my baby and I are learning each other’s rhythms. I was learning to be comfortable giving and receiving love in an unconditional way that I had never experienced.

I felt comfortable in my body for the first time in my life. I not only grew and birthed this baby, now I produced food and gave life-giving comfort to this little being. I gave myself permission to like my body without reservation, even the parts I wasn’t happy with. I decided not to care what anyone else said about my body, too.

Then, a surprise pregnancy and stillborn daughter brought me to the deepest sadness and anger I had ever felt. I had to learn to allow feelings and the intense discomfort that goes along with them. I had to learn fast or I wouldn’t be sticking around to be a mother to my son.

Year Three: The Navel

The Navel chakra is about feeling in control and having sufficient self esteem.

Year three, I gave birth to my second son. He looks the most like me of all my kids. Yet again, I confronted all the things I didn’t like about myself. I loved my second son. I loved the way he looked, not because we look so much alike, but because he looks like himself.

I got over myself with my second son. I didn’t hold onto evaluating the way I look anymore. Even though I was already learning to accept myself, I hadn’t let go of deciding whether I liked something about myself or not. I unconditionally love this freckle-faced, brown-eyed, curly-haired kid. I see his easy unselfconscious way of moving through the world and remember a bit of what that was like.

I feel like I hit my stride as a parent this year. I softened and relaxed into parenting. I had sadness that helped me understand how precious every moment is. And I had confidence in my inner strength after surviving the depression after my daughter’s stillbirth and post partum depression after my son’s birth.

Year Four: The Heart

The Heart chakra is about love, kindness, compassion and affection.

This was the year I became pregnant my Buddha baby. I sang often to this cherished baby while he was growing. I knew I needed to pay attention to this pregnancy because it’s so easy to miss things when you’re already parenting.

I spent time during this pregnancy being soft and giving love. My oldest son was coming into the relatively easier age of four and my second son was heading into a surprisingly mellow second year so I allowed all the pregnancy hormones free rein to cuddle and give patience.

As I continued to practice compassion inward and to my children, I began extending that outward. I understood that being heart-centered and giving that love to others was a safe place to be. It had little to do with the other person and everything to do with personal freedom.

Year Five: The Throat

The Throat chakra is about expression yourself and talking.

Buddha baby came barreling out into the world at top speed and hasn’t stopped since. I was highly vocal during his birth. I felt like I was talking and writing constantly during the first year of Buddha’s life. There’s little wonder why he speaks far beyond his years now.

My husband and I endlessly discussed our family size. He was content with our family of five, but I felt like our family wasn’t complete.

Since my second pregnancy, I had been having dreams about two babies. I spoke about these dreams almost every day to my family and friends. I thought the first baby must have been my daughter who was dead, but there was another girl.

Year Six: The Third Eye

The Third Eye chakra is about insight and visualization.

Once I understood that we wouldn’t be having more children, I began anticipating the dreams about the birth of two girls. I went to sleep visualizing the birth of the two babies. It was a happy way to let go of my hope of a larger family.

I was very surprised when I became pregnant again because we were both on board with being done at this point. The odds were so highly against I should have been shocked. But, I knew I was having twins.

It felt like it was planned. Of course, I didn’t plan the sickness and pain that comes with a multiple pregnancy. I thought I had grown more tolerant of being in discomfort, but I had a lot more to learn about it.

I had to face a lot of fear about the births, especially once my care provider fired me and I was looking at a highly medicalized event. In the weeks I scrambled to create the best birth for myself and my babies, I spent a lot of time visualizing what I wanted and needed for this birth. I practiced every birth scenario that was possible in my mind so that I could do what was safest for my babies.

Year Seven: The Crown

The Crown chakra is about wisdom and being one with the world.

We did it. The births of my twins at home were an amazing experience. The three of us were in such a flow together that I often feel like they danced their way out while I breathed.

I remember after my second twin was born and all was quiet again, that I felt complete. We were snuggled in bed together breastfeeding and I began crying. I felt like everyone was here now. I look back on this moment in awe that I knew right away.

I still had to deal with post partum depression, D-Mer, and the various challenges of having two babies at once, but I did it with a feeling of comfort that my family was here and we could move forward together. It was as thought I had been waiting for everyone to get in the car and now we can hit the road.

As I turn the next page in this new chapter of my life, I know it will be without the potentials of pregnancies and new babies. In the middle of the seven year cycle, I couldn’t have imagined being done having babies. Now, I can’t imagine having more.

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The question that I thought I was asking when I began this seven year cycle, “Do you want to have kids?” wasn’t really the question I was asking myself. It wasn’t year two that I began asking, “Am I enough?” My answer to this is that I am never enough. There just isn’t enough of my attention, energy, or even just enough of me to go around. It’s something I’ll continue to wrestle with.

However, whenever I feel this lack, I can always find enough love. And this is really what I’ve been asking all along (and what I will continue to ask, “Do I want to live my life knowing how to give and receive love?”

YES!

Image credits: Wikipedia

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Visit Code Name: Mama and Hobo Mama to find out how you can participate in the next Carnival of Natural Parenting!

Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants:

(This list will be updated by afternoon December 10 with all the carnival links.)

Mature Student — Amber Strocel is embarking on a new adventure in 2014, by returning to a space in her life she thought she’d left behind – that of being a university student.
And then there were four — Jillian at Mommyhood learned how quickly love can grow when welcoming a second child to the family.
Handling Change As A Mother (And Why That Takes Things To A Different Level) — Jennifer at Hybrid Rasta Mama shares how she helps her young daughter navigate change and why it is so important, as a mother, to gauge her own reactions to change.
Without Dad-One Year Later — Erica at ChildOrganics shares how her life has changed one year after losing her husband suddenly.
Family Ties — Lori at TEACH through Love realized that her most significant, most painful wound paved the way for her to share her greatest gift.
Rootless — After Dionna @ Code Name: Mama‘s parents packed up their home and moved to Florida this fall, she is feeling rootless and restless.
A Letter to My Mama Self in the Swirl of Change — Sheila Pai of A Living Family shares a letter she wrote to herself to capture and remember the incredible changes from the year, and invites you to do the same and share!
Junctions — sustainablemum explains how her family has dealt with a complete change of direction this year.
Planning, Parenting, and Perfection — Becca at The Earthling’s Handbook explains how most of the plans she made for her adult life have worked out differently than she planned, but she’s ended up getting a lot of what she really wanted.
Why First Grade Means Growing Up… for Both Me and My Daughter — Donna at Eco-Mothering discovers that her daughter’s transition into first grade is harder as a parent.
First Year of Mothering — Mercedes at Project Procrastinot reflects on the quiet change that took her by surprise this year.
Building the Community YOu Desire — A recent move has Mandy at Living Peacefully with Children working toward setting up a new support network.
Slowing down in 2013 — A car fire and a surprise diagnosis of Down syndrome made 2013 a very different year than the one Crunchy Con Mommy and family were expecting!
The Seven Year Cycle — After 7 intense years of baking, birthing and breastfeeding 6 kids, Zoie at TouchstoneZ wonders, “Will I be enough for what comes next?”
Rebirth — Kellie of Our Mindful Life has found that each of her births leaves her a different person.
When a Hobby Becomes a Business — This year, new doors opened for That Mama Gretchen‘s hobby of writing and blogging – it has turned into a side business. She’s sharing a bit about her journey and some helpful tips in case you’re interested in following the same path.
5 Tips for Embracing a Big Change in Your Family — Deb Chitwood at Living Montessori Now tells about a big change in her family and shares tips that have always helped her family embrace changes.
Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes — Ana at Panda & Ananaso ruminates on how having a child changed her priorities.
Homeostasis — Lauren at Hobo Mama is finding that even as elements shift in her life — in cosleeping, homeschooling, breastfeeding, & more — they mostly remain very familiar.
Sally go round the sun — A new baby brings joy and unexpected sadness for Douglas at Friendly Encounters, as she is diagnosed with a rare genetic condition.
Embrace it — Laura from Pug in the Kitchen muses about the changes in her family this year and how she can embrace them . . . as best she can anyway.
Big Change; Seamless but Big — Jorje of Momma Jorje shares how one of the biggest changes of her life was also a seamless transition.
Celebrating Change — Change feeds Jaye Anne at Wide Awake, Half Asleep‘s soul. And all the work that seemed like monotonous nothingness finally pays off in a clear way.

Posted in Parenting | Tagged carnatpar, carnival natural parenting, chakras, code name mama, every seven years, Hobo Mama, Multiples, natural parents network, parenting, parenting with the chakras, Pregnancy, seven year cycle | 13 Comments »

Still Quiet Place: Mindfulness for Young Children Review

December 9, 2013 by Zoie at TouchstoneZ

We read a lot of books about living mindfully in my family and I love hearing from others when they come across a book that they or their kids liked. We also use other media like movies, music, and spoken word to talk about and practice mindfulness. In this continuing series, I’ll be writing posts about the mindful media that my kids and I recommend. Feel free to share any you’ve come across in the comments and if it looks like it might be a nice complement to the one I’m reviewing, I’ll be happy to review it or add a link to it in my post.
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Still Quiet Place Cover

Still Quiet Place: Mindfulness for Young Children

by Amy Saltzman, MD

Please note: I am reviewing the mp3 download version of this audio program.

Still Quiet Place: Mindfulness for Young Children by Amy Saltzman, MD, is a collection of guided meditations and mindfulness practices for children. There is a second collection by Dr Saltzman for teens that I think is even better than this one. So, if you’ve got older children, you might consider listening to the sample tracks before deciding which will work best for your family.

The narrator, Dr. Saltzman, speaks slowly enough for kids to listen, without talking down to them-a common pitfall in children’s media. Saltzman’s voice is soothing, although in the longer track 12 (11 minutes), my kids tuned out after awhile and said they preferred one of the less repetitive tracks. My kids have experience with longer meditations and like the rest of the meditations in this collection, so I think it was simply this track that was a bit droning. I still think it is a worthwhile one to reintroduce periodically, both for older kids and for kids who want or need a longer meditation.

Most of the rest of tracks are between 3 and 4 minutes long each. I felt that when one of my kids liked the meditation, this was the perfect length. However, I wish the collection included a tracks of various lengths for the times when we just needed a quick mindfulness fix, for example when transitioning between bath and brushing teeth-often a chaotic time in our home.

Tracks 1 and 13 are introduction to mindfulness and meditation. The first (track 1) is an explanation of mindfulness for kids, and I think does an excellent job of letting them know what to expect from the audio and in themselves as they practice. The second (track 13) is for adults and again, I think is a good, brief introduction for parents.

I think this audio collection is especially useful for helping a child with anxiety. It is an easy and gentle way for kids to learn self-calming techniques and breath awareness. The more they listen or practice, the easier it is for them to pause for a moment to think before reacting.

My kids really enjoyed track 8, “Teepee,” because Dr Saltzman was making animal sounds. Howling like wolves “cracked them up.”

I find “Teepee” especially good when inertia takes over, but I don’t want to amp them up. For example, when everyone is dragging their feet to get ready for bed. I want to help the kids bring their energy level up, but I don’t want them overly excited or it will be more difficult for them to transition to sleep.

Most of the time, I play “Still Quiet Place” when we are doing other things like quiet play with Lego, drawing or after we get home from a hike. It seems to help the kids feel calm and centered, even if they’re not actively practicing. I made a playlist that I put on when the kids seem irritable in the car and have found they don’t end up arguing as much with these meditations in the background.

I recommend the album for parents and kids to listen to together at first so that kids who haven’t experienced mindful meditations can understand better and have a chance to talk about it after. If kids express an interest, these meditations can be self-directed whenever they wan to practice.

I don’t currently use this to help my kids go to sleep, but I could see selecting your favorite track and incorporating it in bedtime routine. It could become a part of the evening ritual that is looked forward to.

Listen to the audio samples to make sure you like her voice because kids can definitely tell if you are not really into mindfulness practices and will respond the same. Keep at it, though, things change so quickly with kids and you may find “Still Quiet Place” a useful tool when kids are stressed by life.

Activities to create with this audio program:

Have you tried some good mindfulness media that you’d like to tell me about? I’d love to hear from you.

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Posted in Book Review | Tagged amy saltzman, Book, Children, guide meditation, meditation, meditation for kids, mindfulnes meditation, mindfulness, mindfulness and technology, mindfulness book reviews, mindfulness for kids, mindfulness meditation for kids, mindfulness reviews, Saltzman, Spoken word, still quiet place | Leave a Comment »

Conversations with Kids about Personal Heroes: Nelson Mandela

December 6, 2013 by Zoie at TouchstoneZ

English: Nelson Mandela in Johannesburg, Gauteng, on 13 May 1998 (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

In 1989, I broke my curfew at home and ran off to New York City to join a march protesting Nelson Mandela’s imprisonment. I clearly remember the passion of the crowd as we chanted “Free Nelson Mandela” at the foot of the United Nations building.

Nelson Mandela was a personal hero for me. I deeply admire his commitment to the philosophies of reconciliation and nonviolence. His words have inspired me to walk my own smaller, simpler path. Mandela’s life is proof that love triumphs over hate; that peace crowds out violence; that seeing yourself in others is the truth of existence.

When I heard that he passed away, I felt sad. I am mourning that there won’t be any new words from him. I am mourning that there isn’t more.

And I see, now that I am older, that life is just as vibrant now as it was for me in 1989. Although, I am less attached to it now than I was then, the solace of a long life before death is a hollow comfort. The world feels a little less bright while I say goodbye.

Maybe the man was ready to go, but I wish he could have stayed with us a little while longer. Certainly he will inspire, but he was one of those special individuals that manage transcend the mundane. We need people like him with us for as long as possible.

Mandela’s legacy will never stop. The way in which he conducted his life will inspire more and more people. His words of peace will grow forever.

My little seed of inspiration from him is something I share with my children. My kids are familiar with my personal heroes: Martin Luther King Jr, Mahatma Gandhi, Waangari Maathai, among others.

We read books about our personal heroes and talk about the issues around non-violence often. Today, we talked about Nelson Mandela:

I said, “Today one of my personal heroes, Nelson Mandela died. When he was young, he was put in prison because he was organizing against a government of a group of people that were treating his people cruelly, unfairly, and violently.”

He was in prison a very long time. While he was there, instead of hating the people who put him in prison and treated him cruelly, unfairly, and violently, he gave them love and compassion.”

He inspired so many people with his words about love and compassion. That the almost the whole world wanted Mandela out of prison.”

Finally, after a long time, he was released from prison. But, do you know what he did when he got out? Instead of giving hate to the people who put him in prison, he treated them like friends. Soon, he became president of not only his people, but all of the people in South Africa, even the ones who put him in prison.”

So that is why he’s one of my personal heroes. Because he talked about peace even when there was violence around him. Does that make sense?”

The kids asked more questions and we talked more about the story I told them. We read some books and we talked about personal heroes and nonviolence at several times until bedtime.

My seven year old said, “I only have one thing in common with Nelson Mandela: I am a vegetarian because I don’t want to hurt animals. But that’s the only way I am like him. Every time one of my brothers tries to hurt me, I hurt him back. I am not good at nonviolence.”

I answered, “You’re right that you share nonviolence because you have chosen to be a vegetarian. I think what you said is like Mandela. You sound like you wish you didn’t want to hurt your brothers when they hurt you.”

“Yes, but I just get so angry. I can’t help it most of the time.”

“Most of the time you get angry.”

“Yes, but I don’t want to hurt them. But I do want to when I’m angry.”

“Do you remember in jujitsu when you couldn’t do the hogoshi throw? So you practiced. Sometimes you did it the way you wanted to and sometimes you didn’t? But, now it’s an easy throw for you?”

“Yes, now I can do it all the time.”

“Nonviolence is like that. You want to not hit back. So you practice. Sometimes you lose your temper and hurt someone and sometimes you are able to react the way you want to. You keep going. Later, it becomes easier.”

“Nelson Mandela practiced a lot, huh?”

“I think that you have a lot in common with Nelson Mandela.”

“I’m sorry he’s dead. I would’ve liked to talk to him about how hard it is not to hit my brothers.”

Here’s to inspiring another generation of curfew-breakers.

Books we recommend about Nelson Mandela and South Africa:

The Day Gogo Went to Vote
DK Biography: Nelson Mandela
Journey to Jo-Burg
Nelson Mandela Comic Book
- I feel this one is for older kids or to be read with parents so as to discuss potential issues around oppression and violence. But well worth the read.
Nelson Mandela’s Favorite African Folktales
Nelson Mandela’s Favorite African Folktales on CD
- We don’t own this one yet, but we love the book and it has an incredible list of narrators. It’s going to be a Holiday gift for my kids.
Nelson Mandela: Long Walk to Freedom
Peaceful Protest: The Life of Nelson Mandela
South Africa: The Culture (Lands, People, Cultures Series)

Posted in Parenting, Peace | Tagged heroes, Long Walk to Freedom, Mandela, nelson mandela, nelson mandela and kids, parenting, personal heroes, South Africa, talking with kids | Leave a Comment »

Mindfulness App: Prune-Habit Maker, Quit More

December 5, 2013 by Zoie at TouchstoneZ

Much has been written about the disconnect created by our constant ability to receive information. More than ever, carving out a space for ourselves to experience full presence while living with ready access to distraction is important for our well-being.

Technology can also be a tool to help with mindfulness. For example, we can learn about mindfulness practices, set alarms to remind us to practice, and record our experiences.

My goal with this series is to share mobile apps that I have found especially useful in cultivating mindfulness practices. I believe that harnessing the power of our handheld distraction devices has the potential to integrate mindfulness into our already overfull lives. Or, as a friend aptly noted, bring balance to the force.

Mindfulness App: Prune Splashscreen

Today’s app is, called:

Prune-Habit Maker, Quit More
by Principal Humanity
Developer Website
iTunes Store
Version I demo: 1..6.2 on iPhone
Cost: Free Today! Dec 5, 2013, Normally: $0.99 US, no ads

Prune-Habit Maker, Quit More is a an app that makes changing behavior simple. It boasts a minimalist interface that is immediately useable. There are instructions included, but they’re unnecessary because the choices are obvious.

If you allow push notifications (fully customizable in your phone settings, of course) it will pop up random reminders about your goal to break a habit.

Prune Goals Screenshot

I like that the creators have set up a few suggested areas for habits or that you can create your own, such as a food, drink, activity or indulgence. If nothing else, these categories can get you thinking about how you’re thinking about your habit. The app also has a “resurrect” feature so you can bring back old goals to start again.

Some of the features that I enjoyed are being able to change a habit after you’ve already created it. Other apps I’ve tried make you delete and create a new one. With Prune, you can start anew any time, change the name, duration, et cetera, on the fly. This sets up a “no guilt” goal-setting. You’re the only person you need to be honest with in this app.

Prune Social Media Sharing

There are options to share on social media how long you’ve managed to go without your habit. You can get some positive reinforcement from your friends that can offset the possible emphasis on going without something.

Honestly, I don’t feel motivated focusing solely on what I will do without. Everything I’ve read on willpower says it’s more complicated than that. I think Prune, used in conjunction with a full web of positive reinforced habit breaking and habit replacing can be a good thing.

“How to Say No To Almost Anything” explains:

I think, as long as the “I will live without:” phrase motivates you, that the simple, easy interface and thoughtful options for changing and resurrecting your habits make this app an excellent one for breaking old habits.

It’s a good day to try it. Today, Dec 5, 2013, Prune-Habit Maker, Quit More, is free in the iTunes store.

If you try this app, I’d enjoy hearing how you use it in the comments.

Consider adding this app to your device, between Candy Crush and Twitter to bring a little mindfulness into your device, won’t you?

Do you have a mindfulness app that you recommend or one that you would like me to review? Please let me know in the comments below. I would enjoy hearing from you.

Mindfulness: There’s An App For That, Part 1 (touchstonez.com)
All Mindfulness Technology Posts on TouchstoneZ.com
Mindfulness: There’s An App For That, Part 2 (touchstonez.com)

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(Disclosure: I receive nothing for this post. If there ever is a post that I receive something from, I will explicitly disclose this. You can read my full disclosure policy here.)

Posted in Mindfulness & Technology | Tagged App For That, Gratitude, habit breaking, habit maker, iPhone, meditation, mindfulness, mindfulness and technology, mindfulness app, mindfulness iphone app, Mobile app, prune app, Yoga | 2 Comments »

Is Thinking Differently a Curse or Gift?

December 4, 2013 by Zoie at TouchstoneZ

Welcome to Week Three of the month-long Carnival of Creative Mothers to celebrate the launch of The Rainbow Way: Cultivating Creativity in the Midst of Motherhood

by Lucy H. Pearce.

Today’s topic is Creative Inheritance. Do read to the end of this post for a full list of carnival participants.

Join the Carnival and be in with a chance to win a free e-copy of The Rainbow Way! Next week is our final week!

December 11th: The Creative Process.

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Inheritance:

the act of inheriting property; the reception of genetic qualities by transmission from parent to offspring; the acquisition of a possession, condition, or trait from past generations

something that is or may be inherited

tradition; a valuable possession that is a common heritage from nature

obsolete : possession

creativity (Photo credit: Sean MacEntee)

The Mavericks

My family is full of fighter pilots and nonconformists. Later in life, these thrill seekers went on to excel in places that required facile tongues and creative thinking.

There’s nothing quite so engaging as being swept up into their interest or as unsettling when that focus moves away. I remember understanding as a very young child that frenetic activity and choices away from the norm were deeply fulfilling, but also carried a heavy cost in anxiety and sadness.

I definitely continue this legacy of extending myself out to create followed by bouts of regression to decompress. I have worked to find a middle ground between the two as I’ve gotten older. I was diagnosed as an adult with ADHD, which has helped me to harness the great skills that come from it while minimizing the down-sides.

The Real Art Teachers

When I first read this topic, I thought that I would have nothing to write about it. I realized that I was holding an idea of myself as an uncreative person. I was downplaying the many creative ways I express myself according to a narrow definition of creativity. Those are pretty big self-limitations.

There are two parts to deconstructing this: What I think a creative person is and Where I picked up the idea.

I know exactly where I first got the idea that I wasn’t a creative person. It was in sixth grade art class. This was what first tied structured art with creativity for me.

I loved creative expression and art (sometimes separately, sometimes together) until I ran into this teacher. I remember that she returned my work to me almost every time with the request that I “try harder” to meet the assignment requirements. There were notes that the piece didn’t have enough detail or it wasn’t orderly enough.

I remember working on a metal etching. I poured all of my passion into it, only to have it returned with a giant, black sharpie marker “X” across the sheet of metal. That was the last time I remember creating for the pure joy of it.

The school I went to allowed teachers to give 3 grades: an overall letter grade, and effort and attitude on a scale from 1 to 5. I can’t recall the letter grades, but I still remember getting my first failing effort and attitude scores that year. Whatever it was that was going on with that teacher, the upshot was to destroy my love of creating pretty effectively.

My definition of a creative person is what I did before I ran into this art teacher: pure, in the flow, enjoyment of the creative process without any self-consciousness. I struggle with this today still, but watching my kids’ uninhibited creativity is coaxing me out of my shell. I’m learning more from them than I ever did in school about creativity.

I look back on the genetic and nurtured inheritance of creativity that my family has given me with deep gratitude. I even look back on my sixth grade teacher with gratitude now.

The experiences with both family and teacher were so deeply profound that they’ve created areas for self-awareness. I hope I am able to pull from the very best that my ancestors have gifted my children with to help them hold on tightly to their creative spirits.

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25% off ALL Lucy’s books, 4th Dec only. Use code RAINBOW25.

ORDER YOUR SIGNED COPY of

The Rainbow Way direct from the author and receive:

exclusive access to a private Facebook group for creative mothers
a vibrant greetings card and book-mark of one of the author’s paintings.

Kindle and paperback editions from Amazon.co.uk Amazon.com Book Depository, Barnes and Noble

Or order from your local bookshop.

Carnival host and author of The Rainbow Way, Lucy at Dreaming Aloud celebrates her creative fairy godmothers, and gives thanks for the creative blessings that each has gifted her.
In
‘From Trash To Treasure: Christmas Decoration’ Laura from Authentic Parenting shares fond memories crafting with her mom and a little
project her mom did recently.
Lucy Pierce from Soulskin Musings celebrates the rich creative inheritance of her mother’s poetic soul and artful ways.
Is thinking differently a curse or a gift? Zoie at TouchstoneZ susses out whether her family legacy might hinder or encourage creativity.
Dawn Collins at TheBarefootHome Dawn thinks we’re all born with a creative inheritance from the mother we all share…Mother Nature.
Licia Berry at Illumined Arts looks at the creative inheritance passed on by our ancestral lineage, discovered through sexuality and the Sacred Feminine within in ”Sexuality and the Sacred Feminine”
Alex at The Art of Birth explores the nature of creativity.
Handcrafts are prayers, that’s what Corina from PatchScrap learned from grandmother.
Jennifer at Let Your Soul Shine retraces her creative inheritance from her childhood and all the way back to the 19^th Century.
Kirstin at Listening to the Squeak says “I have always known my creative inheritance and it is so very important for my children to know theirs.”
Becky at Raising Loveliness reflects on her experiences of creativity.
Creative Inheritance is a Beautiful Thing, says Aimee at Creativeflutters and discusses where her creativity comes from and what influences in her family have helped her on her artistic journey.
Georgie at Visual Toast shares her creative inheritance.
Esther at Nurture Workshop expresses the gift of a creative mind and the doors that are waiting to be opened for those who are willing to explore.
Whitney Freya at Creatively Fit is inspired by the sacred spark within each of us, a spark that transcends time and is infinitely creative.
Denise at It Begins with a Verse looks back at her family’s creative inheritance.
Womansart shares her reflections on creative inheritance.
Lys at Stars and Spirals looks at the creative inheritance as described by the astrological chart, drawing on her personal journey into motherhood and reawakened creativity.
Biromums wrote poems about their creative inheritance.
Kae at The Wilde Womb reflects on the various artists within her family and how it has shaped her identity and what impression she wishes to leave her own children.
Marit’s Paper World shares her creative inheritance.
Lucy at Capture by Lucy reflects on her experiences of creativity.
Knitting blankets and the inner landscape–my mother’s life’s work, writes Nicki from Just Like Play.
Something Sacred – Sadhbh at Where Wishes Come From writes about how the creativity of the women in her family has influenced her.
Mamma Bloom at Breathe and Bloom writes about her creative inheritance.
Mama is Inspired shares how she loved to make holiday ornaments as a child, and now is continuing that tradition with her own child.
Ali Baker is a creative mama to twin girls who reignited her creative energy and sense of who she used to be by just doing it and creating whatever needs to be created in an imperfect way.
KatyStuff hopes inheritance is a long way off, but, when the day comes her woodworker father has already said he is comforted by knowing his work is in so many homes.
Jasmine at Brown Eyed Girl realizes that the creativity she craves for so deeply may actually be something that runs deeper than just her imagination.
Darcel at The Mahogany Way shares her creative journey.
Rising on the Road shares her experiences at Finding Life in a Death.

Posted in Carnival, Parenting | Tagged Carnival of Creative Mothers, creative thinking, Creativity, creativity in kids, culture if creativity, dreaming aloud, encouraging creativity, family creativity, family legacy, lucy pearce, thinking different, thinking differently | 7 Comments »

Six Steps to Stop Screaming and Start Parenting Mindfully

December 3, 2013 by Zoie at TouchstoneZ

Welcome to the December 2013 Carnival of Natural Mothering!

This article is a part of the Carnival of Natural Mothering hosted by GrowingSlower, Every Breath I Take, I Thought I Knew Mama, African Babies Don’t Cry, and Adventures of Captain Destructo. This month’s topic is Natural New Year’s Resolutions. Be sure to check out all of the participants’ posts through the links at the bottom of this page.

Bloggers, visit GrowingSlower to sign up to write for next month’s carnival.

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If you are patient in one moment of anger, you will escape a hundred days of sorrow. ~Chinese proverb

Today was not a good parenting day. This morning I woke up and I was sick. It was the kind of sick that involves curling up in fetal position and not moving much. It was the kind of day that I can’t parent through alone.

The buck often stops with mom even with the support of a coparent. So, I did a fair amount of parenting from the bathroom floor. I tried to divide my attention between what my body was telling me and what my kids were doing. It pushed me beyond my patience many times.

My 7-year-old and my 3-year-old were antagonizing one another throughout the day. My usual tactics of listening, distracting, and the reverse psychology of insisting that they separate weren’t working.

They kept escalating their arguments and I kept damping down the flare-ups, but I could feel it was still smoldering underneath.

They knew my attention wasn’t fully on them and they felt that I was under stress. Finally, I missed an interchange between them and it turned to hitting.

I was sicking up at the time and upon hearing them, became angry. I was furious that I had to hold back my nausea to separate them yet again.

I wasn’t the parent I try to be. I yelled. I threatened punishment. I stomped off to the bathroom. I cooled off.

I resolved to be a better parent. Then the cycle began anew.

Now, if you go back to the top or read to this sentence three of four times, that was the day: I feel sick, I have to shoddily parent anyway, the kids react to my stress and argue, I yell, then I try for a fresh start, I feel sick, I have to shoddily parent anyway, the kids react…

As I listened from the bathroom to them bickering for the umpteenth time, I was wrapped up in my thoughts about the unfairness of it all, until I had to laugh.

I caught myself thinking, “Why are they hitting? Don’t they know I’m sick?” As if any of this was about me at all.

And that is the key to stop screaming and returning to a place of mindfulness. It’s not about me.

It’s not about getting through the day. It’s not even about my kids. Resolving again and again to parent mindfully is all about creating fulfilling connections with those I love.

Once I recalled that, I was able to stop blaming myself, my kids and my partner (oh did I leave him out? I’m sure I yelled at him a few times in that endless spiral.) I was able to get some breathing room and make the changes that I truly wanted.

Step 1: Allow Anger

I reminded myself that it’s okay to feel anger. This is a difficult one for me. I’m afraid of anger and don’t know what to do with it.

Anger is neither a positive nor a negative emotion. It is normal to feel mad when things aren’t going the way I want.

Anger isn’t an emotion I like to act on (which I did above.) I can sit with anger and resist the impulse to vent.

The urge to lash out in frustration becomes less pressing the longer I wait until finally it subsides enough that I think more clearly.

Step 2: Think loving thoughts about my child

I try to be gentle with myself with this step because hitting can be an emotional trigger for me. I may have to go back to step one several times until the anger has resolved.

To aid the process, I try to think of a memory that brings up feelings of love, such as snuggling and reading together. Looking through photos can help, too. If all else fails, I send loving thoughts until all resentment is replaced with a calm feeling of connection.

Most of the time, this step is easy because that anger I was holding on to really isn’t about my child, but rather my reaction to what occurred. I can see this more clearly once I’ve finished step one.

Step 3: Examine Expectations

After I’ve let go of anger and have returned to feeling the connection I have with my child, I can begin to look at what my expectations were before I became angry. My expectations in this case were that my kids would “behave” because I was sick.

When they didn’t meet my arbitrary definition of “behave,” I became resentful that I couldn’t be sick in peace. And when their disagreements escalated to hitting, my expectations were that my kids get along well or that my partner would step in before it occurred. I notice that nowhere did I explain my expectations to anyone.

I didn’t even look at my expectations consciously or I would’ve seen how ludicrous they were. And that word, “behave.” Well, that’s something I made a note of to unpack later because that’s an unconscious label I picked up somewhere that doesn’t make sense.

My kids aren’t bad or misbehaving. They’re simply having trouble managing their big emotions. Once I reconnect that, I replace my false expectations with this reality.

Step 4: Feed the Needs

Once I’ve looked at my expectations, I can identify my needs and figure out how to meet them. Identifying needs is probably the most important part of making better choices.

I learn to clarify what I observe about my anger, what emotions I am feeling, what false expectations I was holding on to, what values I want to live by, and what I want to ask of myself and others.

Identifying my needs means that I no longer have the urge to use the language of blame, judgment or domination. I can experience the deep pleasure of contributing to my family’s connection.

On this particular day, my needs were for peace, a harmonious house, healing, authenticity, and to be understood.

Step 5: Use “I” Statements.

In order to meet the needs that I identified above, I need to communicate them to myself and to my family. Using “I” statements, or sentences that begin with “I feel” or “I need” create a more non-judgmental conversation, free from blame or defensiveness.

I hope that in stating my feelings and needs in this way, I will both feel heard and be able to listen well. I consult this NVC list of needs when I need help.

Today, I said:

to my partner, “When I am sick and the kids are fighting, I feel stressed. I need peace and quiet so that I can heal my body. Would you be willing to have full responsibility of the kids so that I can rest for a few hours?”
to my kids, “When I hear everyone arguing, I feel worried that someone will get hurt. I need everyone in the house to feel safe.”

These were good starting places for us to talk and create connection. I felt understood and we all had a clear understanding of expectations after we talked about it.

Step 6: Learn from the experience for next time.

There will be a next time. I am not always successful at curbing my anger and I will yell again. But, I resolve to be a better parent every time.

I learned today that when I’m sick, I tend to set unconscious expectations for myself and for my family. I am faster to react with anger because I am exhausted and don’t feel well.

I already knew that screaming and hitting are big triggers for me. But, I hadn’t realized that I wouldn’t communicate these things clearly until I was able to diffuse the selfish thoughts with amusement.

It is important to remember that I will make mistakes as a parent. Failing and resolving to change is nothing to be ashamed of.

Each mistake is a chance to remember what I already instinctively know about how good it feels to authentically connect to another human being.