Entropy Happens

This is my Semicentennial post.

I feel like this is a good point to reflect on what I have accomplished over the span of 50 posts. I set out with the intention to express what was most true in me. I wasn’t entirely certain where it would lead. I just knew I needed to write again. For myself this time.

I’ve been letting everything slide this month. I feel the need to return to center and clean out all the mud that slicked my way down to the base of this mountain. My 5oth post is a great time to do this. It’s been a month of challenges, so I get why I’ve let it all go. I’m not beating myself up about it, but my body and mind are screaming, “enough already.”

I went back and read my first post. It was like looking at a different person. I have changed because I’ve been using my voice-creating and destroying like Kali. I like the direction my blog is taking for the most part. I like how organic it is and that I’m not limiting myself. I’ve been surprised at how much has centered on PPD and how little has been about homeschooling and green living. I’d like to bring more of a balance to the blog so that it isn’t dominated by PPD. I would also like to bring in more parenting experiences. I’ve got dozens of posts partially written on these. I just need to discipline myself a bit better to finish them.

I also want to reconnect with Yoga. My practice has fallen off a bit since I was solo-parenting and some other personal issues came up this month. I really center myself on my mat and use it in life off the mat. So, I think bringing that back around will help me as I go forward.

So, going forward these are the things I would like to cultivate:

  • Community
  • Yoga practice and reflection
  • More confidence in my writing
  • Writing more consistently
  • Reading more consistently
  • More routine and goal setting

And these are the things I would like to eschew:

  • Spending an entire weekend day catching up on my computer
  • Perfectionism or absolutism
  • Sticking hard and fast to any of this if it doesn’t serve me

Community: I’ll continue reading and commenting promiscuously. I adore comments and I think it really helps writers if they know someone is actually involved with their words and not just another blip on the stats. Keep  up with Twitter and Facebook, with unique content there and sharing as I’ve been doing.

Yoga practice for me isn’t just postures. It’s also meditation, spiritual connection, life principles, and well, Yoga is the whole big-shabang. It’s It. I’ll just make it apriori again and see what unfolds.

Confidence and consistency. I have this idea that my words aren’t enough. I’d love to be able to write heavily researched, witty and entertaining posts every day. Yah, well, that ain’t gonna happen unless I give up everything else in my life. Writing like what I’m doing in this post just seems trite, but I enjoy so many other blogs that are written off the cuff, why not. And, realistically, I have to write whenever I can. Most of the time, that’s late at night on my cell phone or notebook. That means tons of perpetually unfinished posts or acceptance of something new.

Writing and Reading more consistently to me means scheduling the time and doing it even when I hate schedules. I watch very little television, but I may give that up in order to meet this need. I’ll spend a little time figuring out how much and when. This includes setting goals and finding routine. I would love to post every day, but I just don’t think I can do that. I have plenty of ideas to write. I just can’t find the time to do it. I have a goal of written posts every Monday and Friday, a Wordless Wednesday and a Sunday Surf. So far, I’ve been hit or miss on meeting this. But, I’d like to continue to aim for this goal. I’m trying to schedule posts ahead of time as much as possible. Whenever I have several weeks scheduled out, then I can fill in between days with something if I’m driven by a passion. I plan to do this every two weeks as monthly hasn’t been working for me.

All of these plans should eliminate my all-day computer time. I feel like I’m missing out with my family when this happens and I’m just not going to do it anymore. I’m sure my husband will be pleased to have me co-parenting consistently on the weekends.

As with any large, open-ended project of this nature, it will wax and wane. I will hold myself accountable for when I slide off my path, but only so long as I keep it fun. And it has been fun.

Most of all, I have loved this exploration. I expected to find out new things about myself. What I did not expect to find was community. That has been the true treasure of this journey. And I would like acknowledge a few of the bloggers who have been giving back to me. I promise if you don’t see yourself here right now, I will be sure to acknowledge you on my blog, facebook, and twitter.

Thank you for your words.Thank you for reading. I am honored and grateful for each and every person who has taken time to be here.

The light within me sees the light within thee

Namaste

17 thoughts on “Entropy Happens

  1. Some of my favorite blogs are the ones that aren’t researched or in depth, but are simply honest and heartfelt. I wish I could write more off the cuff sometimes – I feel like that’s why I’ve been in such a slump lately – I put entirely too much pressure on myself to make every post “meaningful” or “informative.” Bah.
    Maybe we should start a writing group 😉
    At any rate, I’m so glad that you are part of this amazing community. The community is exactly why I keep blogging – I just wish we could all have this chance to visit in everyday life!
    Thanks for being you, mama 🙂

  2. This is a great post. I too feel that I want to go a bit of a different direction with my blog. My daughters are at particularly “needy” ages that I don’t get a lot of time to blog, and don’t feel I have much time to read and respond to other peeople’s blogs, but I do love comments and finding like-minded bloggers. I would really start to write more again about life learning and parenting, and visiting blogs I enjoy more often. Anyway, I feel inspired after reading your post to try and find some time to write at least two or three times a week and start reading the blogs I love again.

    • Thank you for commenting, Lindsay. Darn those kids and their neediness! I keep telling them if they’d just give me a minute to finish reading this article about how to parent them… lol. I hear you. This time is so intense and it’s hard to find the time for our own needs. I have a feeling it will be gone all too soon and we’ll wish for more of that neediness when they’re older. And blogging wil always be there.

      • Hehe, yes I completely agree and hope I came off the way I meant it. I enjoy my children’s neediness and know that I will never regret a moment of spending time with them. I enjoy blogging and writing down my favourite memories of our days and time together, but not at the expense of my relationship with them. I do wish for a bigger community sometimes. I feel lucky in that there are actually many unschoolers in my area and I have “met” many more online. It is nice to be surrounded by such supportive, and like-minded people, especially when times do get tough.

  3. Zoie, I’ve been meaning to come back here and comment all day…I finally made it! 🙂

    I do just want to say I’m so thankful to have the chance to be your bloggy friend – I have learned so much from you and been encouraged so much by you! I very sincerely appreciate being part of your community and having you in mine.

    You have some great goals here – and a wonderful attitude about them. I am also being more and more convicted over my ‘screen time’ from several of your writings over the past months. I’m not a TV watcher, but I do spend way too much time with my laptop. I honestly haven’t wanted to admit it…it makes me feel like a child throwing a tantrum – I don’t want to cut back! You can’t make me! Something tells me I need to work on my maturity around this…I feel a reluctant blog post (and commitment) coming up soon… 😉

    Really though – I do so sincerely appreciate your gentle inspirations. And happy to be part of your semi-centennial! 😀

    • Thank you, Kelly. The feeling is mutual, bloggy friend. I have learned so much from and felt encouraged by you, as well. I look forward to your post as it is something I struggle with. I do not get on my laptop in front of the kids, but I thought I was successfully sneaking with my cell phone. And then my 4yo said, “Mama, I found your phone. I know you need it all the time.” Whoops! I have yet to wean myself from my phone and I’m none to gracious about it. I’ve successfully added the self-guilt portion of the process, though 😉

      • Oh that is killer about the phone! Man it’s hard sometimes, though! I’m sure my little one thinks I’m surgically attached to my laptop sometimes… :p

        I think going away for a week is going to help me jump start limiting myself more…it’s such a necessary balance that I need to find – I need the community, but there needs to be limits, too, right?

  4. I love this! It’s great to think it all through. And I really like that you’re willing to let go of anything that doesn’t serve you as you go along.
    I also want to write more “researched” articles, but so far only find time to spill what’s in my own head. That’ll do for now.
    And I only have one child. I’m constantly amazed at moms like you who do it with 2 or 3 children. Even little Buddhas like yours.
    You know, when I first read your blog is was about yoga. So you’re the yoga mama to me. I felt how deeply connected to yoga you are and you inspired me.
    You always do.
    hugs.

    • Thank you for those kinds words, Teresa. I am a Yoga mama even when I’m not conscious of it. I’ve been infected by Patanjali too deep to ever be released. I don’t even know that I ended up thinking it all through since it was written quickly. I’ve been thinking about it in drips and drabs, but this was what came out. I really need to face reality that I do not have time to write all those researched articles waiting in my queue. I like that the rest of my life is my priority. I’m going to try breaking the research up into small bytes, maybe that will help because sitting down for an afternoon of research hasn’t happened in 50 post. It’s not going to happen.

  5. I’ve found that my blog has taken a life of its own. I guess that’s part of the beauty of blogging. Mine started out as green-living but then somehow has started centering around food.

    I’d love to blog daily too but sometimes I just can’t find the time. I’ve started writing extra posts so I can post them when I really don’t have time to sit down and write but want to share something.

    • Thank you, Sarah. It is interesting where the blogs go, almost like a horse with the bit in its mouth at times. Yet, that horse is ourselves. Reining ourselves in at times is good, but this medium, unlike any other before it, can really create what is truly us. I have all of these ideas about what my blog is, but what actually makes it past the “publish” button shows me otherwise. I like that, even while it irks me.

      I’m going to check out your blogs right now because I need some new food ideas. I’m in a rut!

  6. *blush*

    I love comments, because they let me know that people still listen, even though weeks or months might pass between my posts. I’m finding more of an urge to post lately, as I begin to emerge from the fog of grief > pregnancy > PPD, and I’m remembering the pleasure writing and sharing brings me. Twitter fills my need for quick updates, and thank you so much for being one of the folks I can count on to share those with! but it’s not the same as blogging.

    I began my blog back long enough ago that I had to apply for a blogspot site, and it has evolved over time according to what was most present in my life. I actually like how it represents my life that way.

    • Thank you for commenting MendyLady. And thank you for being part of my twitter support. I have to admit Twitter peeps have gotten me through a few tough moments until things became less overwhelming. It has led me to some great blogs and, of course, given me some of my best laughs. It’s interesting how different parts of my psyche are stimulated by the various mediums. I do love twitter, too. But, you’re right, it’s not blogging. It sucks when no one acknowledges and you feel like it goes into a vacuum at times, though. Twitter can seem so disposable.

  7. You’re doing great Z!

    As with any new creative exploration, there is a burst of unleashed energy and a necessary bit of obsessive compulsion to do.it.all.the.time. I kind of equate it to the high after birthing a new baby, when you feel you can scale a mountain.

    Until reality intrudes and you realize you need to pace yourself.

    You are wise to do so.

    (Says the woman who is sitting down to better ‘plan’ out my week to serve my passions and responsibilities with more intention– it’s a neverending process 😉

    Keep writing!

    • Thank you, Kirsten. I think you are right, it is a neverending process of evaluation and prioritizing. That quote from The Incredibles comes to mind, “No matter how many times you save the world, it always manages to get back in jeopardy again. Sometimes I just want it to stay saved! You know, for a little bit? I feel like the maid; I just cleaned up this mess! Can we keep it clean for… for ten minutes! ” Hmm, parenting superheroes and writing seem to have a lot in common…

  8. I absolutely love that your writing is off the cuff at times, and completely honest and authentic. You really speak to me! This post today is actually perfect for where I am in my life, too, and I so appreciate you putting into words more than I had even put into full thoughts.

    Starting my own blog recently, I really understand two of your points in particular. One is how much you learn about yourself and the other is community. Isn’t there something about sharing your writing publicly that doesn’t come from simply journaling for yourself? I have kept a journal at various times over the years, and except for one journal that I deliberately burned in a fireplace, page by page, I think I have most of them. Every so often I read one entry, but overall I squirm to read about my former self. I certainly gained insight by writing them, but there is something very different about writing and knowing others will (or so we hope anyway!) read it. The comments also make such a difference in how I perceive my own writing, and why I do it, and how much I learn from the whole experience. A comment on one of my posts recently linked me to another blog where someone is experiencing so much of what I have been living through. I now have this connection to a person I would never have even heard of had I not blogged. It’s become an incredibly powerful tool in so many ways.

    Thank you for writing, Z. Please always keep writing. And keep growing!

    • Thank you, Megan. I really appreciate you saying that my writing touches you. I feel the same about your blog. Those off the cuff entries are usually the ones that are the most painful to press publish on, too.

      The online community has been amazing. I’m constantly wanting to hug everybody and have to go around containing my shmushies.

      Deliberately burned a journal page by page? Wow! I’m very curious why-I’d guess a bad relationship would drive me to do that.

I love comments and try to reply to each one. I look forward to connecting with you. Namaste

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