Every MONDAY join us. Write, post, link-up, share your story and your voice. Be part of carrying the weight of confidence, empowerment and share our mission to empower, inspire, and remind women, parents and children that the time has come to celebrate ourselves! This week we were asked to post a Just.Be.Enough moment based on the beginning words: I just knew I had to…
I never wanted to have children. September 11th clinched that for me. I didn’t want to bring children into a world of pain and hate. I wanted to help increase peace and tolerance in the world through my own life. I felt that bringing an innocent into the world was cruel and that they were better never being born.
I lived into my thirties content with my decision to be child-free. I had little interest in other people’s children, mostly because I couldn’t relate to them.
But, I have this pervasive habit of questioning my own assumptions about things (I even question my belief that I have this habit) The more I delved into Yogic philosophy, the more I began questioning my assumptions about joy and life-affirming actions in the face of hatred.
I knew I wanted to create peace and understand intolerance with my life, but I had no idea how to follow this passion. I tried many paths along the way and thought I had finally found it with Yoga and teaching. But, it still wasn’t enough and I questioned this, too.
My studies led me to learn to teach prenatal yoga and yoga for children. It was an odd choice for someone who had no interest in children or pregnancy. I was an only child and I had never held a baby. Why did I feel a calling to teach those who wanted what I didn’t want?
It was during a third prenatal training with Judith Hanson Lasater that I had the notion that becoming a doula sounded intriguing. And it occurred to me that my beliefs had shifted from wanting to be child-free to “I don’t know.”
And that was enough. I knew I would never be sure. I knew I was comfortable being in the not-knowing space. I knew, in that moment, I had to be open to the possibility of having children.
Granted, I didn’t comprehend what becoming a parent entails. If I had, I would never have done it.
I did become a parent. I found my life path. This is not a rosy, sugary, slow motion horseride into the sunset kind of story. It has been the hardest thing I have ever and will ever do. But, I’m doing it.
These little beings have created peace and tolerance in the world through their lives. In this moment. With every breath.