Top 5 Ways to Avoid Being Mindful for the Holidays

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I thought I would get everyone warmed up for the Mindful Mama Carnival by sharing some ways to be Anti-Mindful:

1. Eat extra servings of the food and drink that you know you react poorly to.

Processed, refined, and prepared foods can lead to discomfort and dissatisfaction. If you know you have allergies or intolerances, that won’t quite kill you or put you in hospital, this is the time of year to try them again. Overindulging in them, especially when the holidays often mean having them readily on hand, can keep you from wanting to feel the sensations of your body. Your Great Aunt put a lot of work into that Gluten-rich, nut-stuffed Fruit cake. Please don’t disappoint her by whining about keeping a clean body again.

2. Avoid exercise or activity at any cost.

Take the elevator instead of the stairs. Drive a car instead of taking mass transit, walking or riding a bicycle. Eschew the gym, yoga studio or exercise trails. It helps you choke back the guilt if you sneer at anyone wearing Yoga pants. After several days, your body will become stiff and unwieldy. You’ll have to switch from your own comfy yoga pants to your partner’s old sweatpants to keep your belly comfortable. This activity has the added benefit of allowing you to ignore environmental damage and being frugal. That’s a triple anti-mindfulness win.

3. Stay indoors and avoid nature.

Vitamin D can help you feel healthy and this is not the goal of anti-mindfulness. You want to block out sensations of health so as to cultivate a sense of dis-ease. It makes it easier to avoid those pesky thoughts about conscious living. You can continue worrying about whether cheez-it stains clash with gray sweatpants when you stay inside. Nature can cause you to breathe deeply and feel good about not truly needing anything but this moment. And no one wants that.

4. Avoid people that support conscious living.

Just having a simple conversation with someone who strives to live mindfully can pull you into a downward spiral of anti-consumerism, healthy living, and giving without regard to outcome. Yoga teachers and massage therapists are especially dangerous to be around this time of year because they often actively practice mindful living and are happy to dole out their hippy dippy ideas. Stick close to strangers at big box stores and fast food restaurants for ethical conversations during the holidays. If one of them surprises you with a mindful comment back away quickly while holding your hands in front of your chest.

5. Stay busy from the moment you wake until you pass out zombie-like in bed.

If you never take the time to be alone with yourself, you don’t have to worry about accidentally slipping into a meditative state. If you haven’t noticed the theme so far, avoidance is your first line of defense against mindful living. The second line of defense is filling your body, time, and house up with as much stuff as you can. If you have things to do, objects to buy, and food to consume, you will never have a moment to cultivate mindfulness. Plus, you’ll be so exhausted and sick; you’ll pass out at the end of the night. If by chance, you have insomnia, this is the time to return to Number 1. There are always leftovers to dig into at 2am.

 

Did you make it to the end? Great! That means you can have an extra day to submit your post. So, click on over and submit your post before December 9th Midnight PST.

 

Are there any items you would like to add to this list? I’ve pulled up my vat of soda and mixing bowl of chips as I eagerly await your comments.

12 thoughts on “Top 5 Ways to Avoid Being Mindful for the Holidays

  1. Here’s a way to avoid mindfulness: procrastinate, procrastinate, procrastinate, and then operate in crisis mode to get everything done!

    That said, I’m taking the extra day. I can’t actually say that I’m procrastinating, though — I’ve just been working like a dog. (Wait — do dogs really work all that hard? Not the ones I see around here in Brooklyn.) But that would be another way to avoid mindfulness: try to do too much. I am GUILTY. So, so GUILTY.

  2. Love it! Hilarious! Fortunately, I live in a US suburb so it will be easy to do all these and completely lose my mind. Then, I should be ready for a huge list of New Year’s Resolutions that I will never meet. That will fill me with enough guilt to avoid mindfulness even longer. 😉

  3. hoo boy!! How perfect for me. I was going to add to my comment here that after almost giving up, I was making one last big effort tonight to get my carnival submission in by midnight… and then the gift of a day!!
    That’s lovely and fun.
    I still hope to write tonight actually, but it’s just nicer.
    Love this post.

  4. I’ve got one…
    Watch LOTS of TV. There’s nothing like loads and loads of mindless drivel and really, really skinny people to make you crave even more soda, chips and fruitcake. And spend lots of time TALKING about what you watch on TV. Especially sitcoms. Because that will really make you forget that you even have a mind, making mindfulness completely out of the question.

  5. Zoie, this is awesome! The best list-type post I’ve seen in a long time. I’m totally going to do all of them, but I especially like the idea of limiting my conversations to strangers in big box stores and fast food places.

I love comments and try to reply to each one. I look forward to connecting with you. Namaste

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