Letter to Littles: February 2012

Letters for Littles
I am writing a monthly letter to my children, usually the last week of the month. I hope to capture these moments in time because they go so quickly.

I hope you will join me in writing a monthly letter to your children and linking it up here. Feel free to grab the badge for your website and let me know when you post so I can add you to the list of participants.

Dear Little Buddhas,

This has been a hard month for me. I’ve been sick and exhausted. It has been an effort for me to parent with patience and gentleness as I wish to. Instead of recharging me with our connection, I’ve been feeling more drained by the effort. And you have responded with so much understanding of what I’ve left unsaid. I tear up as I write this because I think about how you are able to ferret out when I am trying to hide my exhaustion from you. I am truly in awe of your empathy.


Can I hide my glee that you are loving Yoga right now? You have the choice to take a kid’s yoga class or Jujitsu class once a week and you’ve been choosing Yoga. We’ve been practicing more at home together, with you often teaching the rest of us silly poses until we dissolve into peals of laughter.

This month you said to me, “Mom, I’m so glad we homeschool. I love learning stuff and my friends in formal school hate it so much. I don’t want to hate learning.” I’m very careful not to push my views of homeschooling and formal schooling on you. I hope to allow you to decide when and how you want to do school. Wherever you choose to learn, I hope you continue to question and think for yourself.

Speaking of thinking for yourself, at 5.5 years old, your quest for self-reliance has been showing. I’ve been trying to give you challenging tasks that you will need to work out the solutions to for yourself. For example, you wanted to get your Obie Wan from the car to show your friends. So, I gave you the car remote and you went out on your own. You didn’t know that I was watching every step you made through the window, but I watched you read the remote for the unlock button, look for cars as you stepped into the parking spot, get your toy, find the lock button, and come back inside. The pride on your face when you returned shined.


I can’t figure you out this month. So, I’ve stopped trying and started loving you the more for it. You’re adamant about certain things. You’ll burst out with exuberant affection at unexpected times. You are exploring limits and pushing to see if I’ll bend or snap. The more I bend with you, the more reassured you seem. You’re a beautiful bewilderment to me and I adore that.

I also love giving you the freedom to explore quirks without judgment. I remember feeling ashamed when I expressed myself as a young child. I quickly learned to hide it. But, you revel in choosing your own clothes, putting them on backwards and mismatched. Your pockets are stuffed with little rocks, strings, toys, and cards. So much so that they often pull your pants down. And I love all of this about you.

This month, we were scared about whether you were hearing us. It has been inconsistent. Sometimes it seemed you were simply choosing not to respond, other times I was sure you couldn’t hear me. And you enunciation, vocabulary and comprehension is still advanced. So, I took you to the mainstream pediatrician for a check. She found your right ear, the side we were noticing, had an injured ear drum that was healing. She encouraged me to put a few drops of breastmilk in your ear periodically to assist healing and we’ll recheck again in a couple of months.

So, now I know that it is a little your mind and a little your body.


You’re almost 20 months now. Your birth doesn’t seem that long ago, but your toddlerhood has left that baby in the dust. You continue to amaze me with your ability your understanding of words and concepts. When we’re getting ready to go, you look for the things we take with us. You find shoes, water bottles, keys, etc, unasked. You remind me when I forget something like the Ergo or the snacks. You love the feeling of contributing to the family by helping the rest of us.

Your physical affection feeds all of us. You may be the only family member whose hugs and kisses are always accepted by your brothers when they’re sad or mad. You’ve certainly had affection showered on your since your birth as the littlest one. It makes sense you would reflect that back to us.

You love telling us jokes and laughing together. You say, “Poop!!” and laugh heartily when I feign shock. Then you get your brothers and dad to say, “Poop!” with you so you can all laugh together. This is followed by kisses or eskimo kisses all-round. Speaking of poop, you want to go in the potty, but I think the feel of it, as is has changed to more solid, is freaking you out. The expression on your face as you try is fearful. I hope I can help you feel reassured as you transition into fulltime pottying, since you obviously hate going in your dipes or underpants.


I have been quiet with you this month. Partly, it’s fear of the current changes going on. Partly, it’s the disconnect from my body, I’ve been gently healing. Things I can’t share here, yet, but they’re strongly tied with you.


For my boys, I think this example sums up where each of you are this month:

When my bedroom door is locked:

Nat: loudly bangs and kicks the door someone comes and won’t stop until that happens.

Gan: checks the doorknob, then searches out something small and pokey to pick the lock with and has succeeded a few times.

Bud: gets a stepstool and wiggles the doorknob, sits down and wails for “mama” and won’t settle for anyone else.


Yo’ mama
February, 2012

  • If you would like to participate in the Letters to Littles Project, feel free to link up your post below.
  • Keep up to date on this project and find out more information on the Letters to Littles Homepage.
  • NEW: If you link your post this month in the comments below or on my facebook page, I’ll add the links to the list of this month’s Letters to Littles and tweet it for you 🙂
  • Letters are written during the last week of the month, but feel free to write and link up whenever you feel inspired.
  • You can follow all of the participant’s tweets here: @TouchstoneZ/letters-to-littles
  • You can use the hashtag #letterstolittles on twitter as well.
  • And don’t forget to click over and Grab the Updated badge (it’s set up to promote the project, not my personal page. So you won’t find my name on it):

Letters to Littles Participants:

Pop by their blogs and leave a little comment love, won’t ya’?

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5 thoughts on “Letter to Littles: February 2012

  1. Pingback: Letters to Littles {7 months} - GrowingSlower

  2. I loved reading this Zoie – a beautiful description and insight into life with your little people. I love your oldest son’s view on homeschooling. My daughter is very quick to point out to anyone who asks her about school that she is homeschooling. I hope she gains an even greater appreciation of it as time goes by.,..in fact I pray that we all grow deeper into this journey. Have you launched your homeschooling blog yet? Did I miss it?

    Sorry to hear you have been unwell, I hope all is good now. Onelove Mama x

  3. I’ve missed reading your posts so much. This is amazing to me. Especially because you have so many children, I think it’s all the more wonderful for them to see how you really saw them individually and connected to each one of them. This time I particularly love what you described about Gan and calling him a “beautiful bewilderment”.
    I think I would have homeschooled if I had more than one child. As it is, we’re lucky to have a good school environment for her to go to. But I imagine the homeschooling your children are getting and I think they’re really lucky. My best friend homeschooled and her daughter was ready to go to a Waldorf school for High School. My friend spent a lot of time and energy finding the right school and they even moved to where it is. It’s been so interesting to watch and learn from them both.
    I adore you.

    • Thank you so much, Teresa. I love writing these letters and hope my kids get glimpse into the little things we don’t capture elsewhere when we’re documenting “bigger” things.

      I would be in heaven if the local Waldorf school extended its years by the time my kids are in high school. That could be a phenomenal experience for them!

I love comments and try to reply to each one. I look forward to connecting with you. Namaste

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