I Will Sleep When I Am Dead

Have Milk Will Travel Book Cover

Have Milk Will Travel Book Cover


This post is part of the first Humor in Parenting (and Breastfeeding!) Blog Carnival inspired by the anthology Have Milk, Will Travel: Adventures in Breastfeeding, a collection edited by Rachel Epp Buller and published by Demeter Press in August 2013. The anthology looks at the lighter side of nursing. All of its contributors found something funny to say about their days as a non-stop milk shop, even if it was a tough job to have.

This carnival celebrates the craziness that is parenting and asks the question of how we use humor to get through our days, or minutes, or years. Just what’s so funny about being a parent? And why is it so important to make life with kids funny even when it doesn’t exactly seem hilarious?

Please share widely and connect us with other funny parents who are blogging and Tweeting. Use the hashtags #funnybreastfeeding and #humorcarnival along with whatever witty originals you come up with. Those ought to be worth some laughs, too!

See below for links to the other contributors. And, as you might have said to your nursling once upon a time, enjoy the buffet!

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Sleep Thieves Appear Innocent During the Day

Sleep Thieves Appear Innocent During the Day

Before I had children, I was an excellent parent. Actually, I think I may have been the best parent in history. I should’ve opened a school for stressed out parents. That was a missed opportunity.

Now that I have children, I realize how little I know about parenting. With each child I’ve had, the less I understand. If I do the math: I’ve had 5 kids and I can no longer do math. I’m not sure how much of this is unused dendrites disconnecting or that my kids are smarter than I am.

I’m going with parenting causes brain damage because the second prospect would be mildly horrifying if I could remember what it was anymore.

Oh yes, sleep. I was going to write about sleep and parenting.

Okay, now that I’ve googled “sleep and parenting,” I see that these two things don’t exist together in the same reality. Sleep is to parenting like a shower is to Johnny Depp. (protip: you’ll need that analogy if you take the PSAT. You’re welcome.)

Johnny Depp at the Pirates of the Caribbean: D...

Dirty, But Still Hot

Unless you count microsleeps. Those 30 second naps are totally refreshing. If swerving minivans on the freeway are an indicator, they’re popular, too.

We cosleep with our kids. But wait, we’re even crunchier than that: we “bedshare.” Wait, we’re even more hippy dippy: we do it on a mattress on the floor with 5 kids, several of which are probably breastfeeding at the same time.

Also, by do “it” on a mattress on the floor, I don’t mean “it” because 5 kids. That might warp the kids. But, there isn’t enough room anyway so I don’t know why your mind went there.

I can feel the evaluations: “Yippee! you’re just like us freaks!” and “smh. Weird crunchies, warping their kids.” I know, I jump on the sofa whenever I read another crunchy blog. And for the second, there are babies attached to bewbs (with honest to goodness Areolas) below, so you might prefer that Blabble or Coffee Stirrers site. I hope you stick around anyway.

It works for our family to bedshare and breastfeed. I choose to forgo sleep because the joy of being with my kids whenever they need me at night is my priority. Remind me I wrote that the next time I’ve gone a few days without sleep.

But seriously, we all get more sleep by cosleeping and breastfeeding and Attachment Parenting Voodoo DollsTM. I don’t have to get up and go in another room to soothe a sore tummy or scary dream. And I don’t have to move overnight to breastfeed my babies. Actually I sleep through feedings sometimes. Except when they wake me up like this (last chance to remain bewbie-free):

Double Pile-Driving Nursling Attack

Double Pile-Driving Nursling Attack

Our kids are all good sleepers. By this I mean, they’re up late, aren’t awake out of the norm overnight, and they sleep past the sunrise. I take full credit for their sleep because I hypnotize them. Part of that is luck and part is the secure attachment they feel with us. Bedtime and sleep are positive experiences for them and for us.

Now that I’ve written this, I’m scratching my head why I feel sleep deprived. I’ll have to ask my pre-parenting self the answer to that one. Before I punch her.

And I’ve probably jinxed myself out of any possibility of sleep by writing this post. I blame it on brain damage again.

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Please check out these the other submissions to our humor carnival:

In “I Will Sleep When I’m Dead,” Zoie at TouchstoneZ needs some sleep but her kids have other ideas.

In “Laugh or looney bin,” Virginia of Ready or Not Mom shares how laughter (and tears) got her and her husband through two NICU stays and a whole lot more. “Just call me Bessie…on the move” shows some love for a nursing mom without a lot of spare time on her hands.

In “Boobs Are in the House,” Jenny of Half Crunchy Mom shares how her love affair with her nursing breasts was hindered only by the act of pumping, but she found a way to party with the pump.

In “Send in the Nipple Clowns,” Kerry of Pickle Me This shares a story in which a mother who hasn’t slept more than three hours in a row for six months reflects back on the comedy of her breastfeeding life.

And, from Have Milk contributors:

In “The importance of laughter,” Jessica Claire Haney of Crunchy-Chewy Mama gets serious about looking for humor with her kids where her own parents didn’t.

In “Underwater” and “Excuse Me,” Adriann Cocker of Cockerchat muses on the absurdity of parenting while leading a hip loft lifestyle in downtown Los Angeles.

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To learn more about Have Milk, Will Travel, or to buy a copy for your favorite mom (or the people who love her), visit the Have Milk page at Demeter Press or on Amazon.

See how much Literary Mama liked the book at this review.

Keep up with readings and happenings on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/HaveMilkWillTravel and follow the book’s feed on Twitter at @HaveMilkTravel.

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Post for NaBloPoMo
(Since I’m writing most of these late at night, in bed, while tandem nursing twins, I’m choosing to concentrate on writing rather than formatting, proof-reading, researching or editing as much as I’d like. Please forgive the extra typos and non-nonsensical grammar. Thank you.)

NaBloPoMo November 2013

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7 thoughts on “I Will Sleep When I Am Dead

  1. Pingback: Boobs Are In The House | Half Crunchy Mom

  2. Pingback: Humor Carnival Recap | Rachel Epp Buller

  3. Pingback: Dinner’s not ready but we had fun today! » The Alcantarians

  4. Pingback: The importance of laughter | Crunchy-Chewy Mama

  5. Pingback: Underwater | cockerchat

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