In November 2014, I decided to take a month off from my daily writing practice.
The more time that went by without writing, the more difficult it became to write again. By the time I wanted to write again, my life had expanded to fill the space and time I had used to write.
Then when I did want to write again, it seemed as though I needed something to write about-something big and juicy. But nuttin, honey. As the parts of myself healed through writing drifted further away, I felt disconnected. Dangerously so.
I have a tendency to lose the self-compassion facet of commonality. I forget that everyone has times when they feel like the only person weighed down with heavy feelings.
I learned during this year to remind myself that it’s okay to have nothing to write. It’s like my meditation and mindfulness: the point is to do them. If something happens as a result, that’s great. But, it’s important to practice without focusing on the end. So, I wrote when I felt the urge, but I didn’t feel it was often enough to pick up blogging again.
I realized that if finishing some writing were all I that care about, I may as well set my alarm for this instant, write “the end” at the top of this page, and press fast forward to the credits on the movie I’ll watch tonight.
I could live my life ignoring the people around me until I’m done with this life, if it’s only the end that matters. It’s the process of arguing and loving that evolves me. I found it more important to constantly react to the connections and disconnections in my life.
I looked more deeply into the process of writing instead of what it would produce. And I enjoyed the spacious feeling I felt within to notice what I was feeling and needing.
This last year was dangerous because I almost lost the connections I need to others in order to feel it inside. This year has been working at getting out of my own head and just being more. I needed every moment to be where I am now-about to start another year of living dangerously. Dangerously, as in without fear (but, for consistency, it will always be without time to edit my posts.)
So, how have you been living dangerously? Did you survive some fear, ready to live out dangerously connected?